IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

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Governments are too much sensitive
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 attention-grabbing tragedies like
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
show examples
 and
flood
Fix the agreement mistake
floods
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 some opponents believe that they are not important in comparison with obstacles around our
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
. Actually, they do not know those
disasters
Use synonyms
 cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mass killings. Allocating a budget, and resources to increase the public knowledge about different actions during these kinds of
disasters
Use synonyms
 can save lots of lives. Because they are considered serious threats and will kill lots of
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
year
Add a comma
year,
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 a huge earthquake happened in Turkey. Unfortunately,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 who had hurt was high
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of knowledge.
As a result
Linking Words
, if the government tried to teach them so many
people
Use synonyms
 would be alive today.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when a disaster heats a country with weak infrastructure, for sure, the damage will be huge.
Therefore
Linking Words
, authorities should spend
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
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 amount of money to renew, and rebuild cities to save
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan is an obvious sample that shows how much giving attention to these events is crucial. Every year, they face severe earthquakes with no damage because all buildings in
this
Linking Words
 area are built
floated
Wrong verb form
floating
show examples
. So they will not be devastated during
disasters
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, not only government’s attention will prevent
people
Use synonyms
 from dying, but
also
Linking Words
 they can make secure and safe places for their population. In conclusion, there is no doubt that in our living areas
would
Correct pronoun usage
there would
show examples
 be lots of threats, but big
disasters
Use synonyms
 will make more dangerous situations. So, it is vital to persuade governments to use their resources to make
people
Use synonyms
 more knowledgeable about how they should act
these
Change preposition
in these
show examples
 times.

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coherence cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay is well-organized and flows logically from one paragraph to another. Utilize clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay more effectively by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and summarizing your argument in the conclusion. A stronger stance in both can greatly enhance the overall impact of your essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. Make sure every paragraph contributes to your argument and clearly addresses the prompt. Additionally, consider both sides of the argument for a more balanced approach.
task achievement
Make your ideas clearer by breaking them down into more concise sentences. This will also help with logical flow and readability, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • headline-grabbing
  • disasters
  • natural disasters
  • media coverage
  • sensationalism
  • local issues
  • funding
  • executive resources
  • resource allocation
  • risk awareness
  • domestic fires
  • road safety
  • food storage
  • education initiatives
  • community engagement
  • local government
  • immediate disaster relief
  • long-term benefits
  • local risk mitigation
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