IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. Discuss both these attitudes and give your opinion.

#people #places #visit #food #attitudes
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Depending on nature, humans can be either open to new ideas to explore new avenues in their lives or conservative to master a skill and provide specialised services. In my perspective, experimenting with new thoughts is key to innovation. On the one hand, in the modern era,
people
 opt for new ideas. Since technology broke the barrier of location and time, everyone in his/her life working on multiple
things
 to achieve as much as possible.
For instance
, freelance
work
, remote jobs and e-commerce have provided the comfort of flexible working hours.
In addition
, both the employer and the employee have been beneficiaries of remote
work
.
First,
organisations can hire human resources on a low budget from developing nations as compared to developed nations.
Then
, remote workers are getting paid more by international clients and experiencing growth in their careers.
Hence
, working on new
things
 is advantageous.
On the other hand
, an enormous amount of
people
 are conservative.
Although
 working on the same tasks would be monotonous and boring, it helps to master a skill.
For example
, child specialists have been in high-demand occupations, and all those doctors who consistently
work
 on their skills have a huge amount of trust among the public and ultimately have a high volume of
work
.
Therefore
,
people
 deliberately focus on the same skill to get specialisation in it. In conclusion, though there are
people
 who want to explore new
things
 for new opportunities, others persist
i
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 getting complete knowledge.
According to
 me, it is always a good idea to consider new
things
 for inventions.
Submitted by Haris Khan on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To further enhance coherence, try linking ideas more explicitly between paragraphs using transitional phrases.
task achievement
You've done well in discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion. To improve task achievement, aim to provide more specific examples or data to support your points, which will make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your main points by expanding on them with more detailed explanations or examples. Doing so will make your essay more comprehensive and engaging.
task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph clearly supports your thesis and contributes to your overall argument. This will make your response feel more complete and well-rounded.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Novelty
  • Routine
  • Comfort zone
  • Risk-taker
  • Risk-averse
  • Enrichment
  • Personal growth
  • Innovation
  • Creativity
  • Stability
  • Tradition
  • Habit
  • Familiarity
  • Personal enrichment
  • Life stages
  • Fulfilling
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