IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As a result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling,there is a growing demand for more flight. What problems does this have on environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problem?

#tourism #people #demand #flight #environment #measures
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Nowadays,when our society is in the stage of rapid transformation, a tendency to travel by plane
due to
 the development of tourism can be observed. It is agreed, that
this
 issue highly influences
the
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apply
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nature
 as flight is one of the most common reasons
of
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for
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 air pollution.
This
 essay,
firstly
,will discuss why planes
considered
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are considered
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 to be an impediment to a flourishing environment,followed by an analysis of some solutions which can be suggested to reduce an adverse impact.
To begin
 with, tourism is a great development which has a positive impact on
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the countrie's
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countrie's
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countries
country's
 economy,
however
, the demand for more planes can
contributes
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contribute
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 to irreparable damage
for
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to
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environment
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the environment
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. To illustrate, the plane's energy depends on fuel which polluts air with CO2 and other pestilential gases,
therefore
, our
nature
suffer
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suffers
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 from drastic changes.
For example
, global warming appears to be
really
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a really
the really
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 common problem all over the world during the
last
 decade and the main cause of
this
 is the abuse of internal combustion
engins
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engines
engine
 by humanity.
Moreover
, some rare species of
floura
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flora
 and fauna
is
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are
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in
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at
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 the edge of
the
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apply
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exinction
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extinction
due to
the
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apply
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pollution.
Consequently
, people's desire to explore the world can lead to
the
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a
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 decline in
number
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a number
the number
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 of beautiful places which attract tourists.
On the other hand
, government should
taks
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take
 some measures to reduce
this
 issue,
otherwise
,
economy
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the economy
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 will suffer
as well as
nature
.
Furthermore
, actions should be
done
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taken
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 as soon as
it
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apply
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possible.
For instance
, it would be a great development ,if companies made planes dependent on energy supply.
This
 groundbreaking innovation would be the most important in order to provide fresh air for all habitats on the Earth.
In addition
, people should be encouraged to travel by
elecrtic
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electric
 cars when the destination is not far away. To make
this
 more realistic, travel by plane should be
accessable
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accessible
 only for long-distance journeys.
Thus
,
this
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these
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 measures will reduce pollution and
nature
 will be out of danger.
To conclude
,
this
 essay supports the idea that the rising demand in tourism contributes to an adverse impact on
nature
,
nevertheless
, some solutions can be applied to overcome
this problems
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this problem
these problems
show examples
.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While you've covered the general idea, incorporating more specific examples and detailed case studies could enhance the depth and relevance of your arguments. This will help make your response more comprehensive and detailed.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on clarifying the logical structure of your essay. Transition words and phrases could be used more effectively to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Consider also varying sentence structures to enhance the flow and readability of your text.
Task Achievement
Enhancing the use of relevant, specific examples will significantly improve your essay. Concrete examples grounded in real-world case studies or statistics can strengthen your arguments, making your points more persuasive and impactful. Aim to integrate examples that directly support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity loss
  • noise pollution
  • environmental pollution
  • sustainable aviation fuels
  • efficient engines
  • governmental policies
  • emissions standards
  • carbon offsetting
  • eco-tourism
  • eco-friendly alternatives
  • carbon footprint
  • carbon capture technology
  • electric aircraft
  • wildlife habitats
What to do next:
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