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Band 4

Some people prefer to work with same firm for lifetime while other work with different firms. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #work #firm #lifetime #firms
Nowaday
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Nowadays
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern and informative life is symbolized
with
Change preposition
by
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 changing and
swift
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swiftness
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, there
are
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is
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 increasing awareness of
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 with different enterprises for
adquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
 more experience and finding the favorite
one
in stead
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instead
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 of aspiring
a
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for a
show examples
lifetime career in the same company.
This
 essay will
analise
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analyse
analyze
 both views in depth and illustrate the reason why I
Add a missing verb
am incline
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incline
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inclined
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 to contact with different
section
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sections
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 until finding
the
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my
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 favorite and more
suitible
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suitable
one
 for
longlife
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long-term
 motivation. On the
one
 hand, there are an array of
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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for
Change preposition
apply
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who insist
in
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on
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 dedicating a lifetime job, the prominent
one
 is that the life standard will be enhanced with
accumulation
Add an article
an accumulation
the accumulation
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 of
increaseing
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increasing
 experience and revenue.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the resources and information
adquiered
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acquired
 in the same department will
facilit
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facilitate
individual
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individuals
show examples
 in all
aspect
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aspects
show examples
, which can not be
adquired
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acquired
 by a fresher. On
ther
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the
 other hand, as can be seen
form
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from
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 the recent wave of layoffs, the first layoff
one
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apply
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always is the oldest employee, which
reveal
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reveals
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 a reality that the stability of
working
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the working
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 environment is facing
treats
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threats
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 compared with decades before,
this
 is why more and more people contend that individual should have working experience in diferrent firms.
Nevertheless
, people should avoid a comfort zone caused by staying in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same position, it can help us to recall the passion for life and encounter a better self. In
conculsion
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conclusion
, the combination of both
acttitud
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attitude
attitudes
 will be more advantageous than
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
random single thinking, In my perspective, the citizens in a changing society should always adapt themself
into
Change preposition
to
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circumstance
Add an article
the circumstance
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, and try to find a way that aligns with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 development and favours, which can be more gratifying for each person.
Submitted by futaommy on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on the clarity and organization of your essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use linking words effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
For a higher task achievement score, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly state your opinion and support it with specific examples and detailed explanations. Aim to develop your points more fully to provide a comprehensive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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