IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show information concerning speed-camera use, together with statistics on road accidents, for the city of Melbourne. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words

The charts show information concerning speed-camera use, together with statistics on road accidents, for the city of Melbourne. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words
#show #information #speed-camera #statistics #road #accidents #city #melbourne #summaries #features #comparisons
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The bar chart and map illustrate the number of speed
cameras
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the proportion of accidents and
deaths
Use synonyms
 in road of Melbourne from 2002 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
deaths
Use synonyms
 and accidents
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in Melbourne even
high
Correct word choice
though high
show examples
 numbers of speed
cameras
Use synonyms
 were situated.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart shows that, at the beginning, around 30
cameras
Use synonyms
 were installed
thereafter
Linking Words
, it was increased slightly by ten in the following year. In 2004,
cameras
Use synonyms
 were installed at 60, one year later there was a significant increase of installed
cameras
Use synonyms
 on
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
, at 140. In terms of map indicates that, in 2002,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the deaths
show examples
deaths
Fix the agreement mistake
death
show examples
 ratio situated
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below one
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
, next year, it decreased slightly
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just above 0.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, there was a significant growth at 1% in 2004.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the percentage of
deaths
Use synonyms
 increased rapidly from 2004 to 2005 and fell gradually and reached just above 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
In contrast
Linking Words
, accidents on the road at
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
, it was just above 3
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it was decreased slightly
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just under 3%. In 2003, from 2004 to 2005, there was a gradual increase from 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to almost 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the final period.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "thereafter".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cameras, deaths, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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