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Band 5

Some people says that instead of preventing climate changes we should find with it. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #climate #changes
The issue of
climate
change
 has become a hot topic in recent years, some people think that
climate
change
 should be ignored. In my point of view, I have a different opinion, rather than ignore that issue, citizens should take action to prevent
climate
change
. The reason behind
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
climate
change
 affects
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the whole life of humans, and will disturb the ecosystem of nature.
Firstly
, the unpredicted weather is one of the true examples of
climate
change
.
Therefore
, it impacts on every aspect of human life.
For instance
, folks who worked as
a farmers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a farmer
farmers
show examples
, a long time ago, had the ability to determine which month would be the best month for cultivating or reaping, but currently, the weather is unpredictable, and somehow creates disasters
such
 as drought and flood.
This
 disaster can have a wide impact not only on the farmers who
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
show examples
 crop failure but
also
 on
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the possibility of creating famine disaster.
That is
 why,
climate
change
 issues should be prevented.
Secondly
, the rise in earth's temperature could disturb the environment of other creatures who live in nature,
due to
Correct article usage
the posibility
show examples
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
 of forest fires.
For example
, in Kalimantan Forest, which has peat soil. When the summer season happens for a long time in that region, the cases of forest fires increase and damage the habitat of animals and plants that grow there.
According to
 that fact, concrete action should be taken to avoid the wider impact of
climate
change
.
To sum up
, the leverage of
climate
change
 has interfered with all creatures not only humans but
also
 other creatures
such
 as animals and plants, which is their habitat is destroyed by the rapid
change
 in
climate
. Based on those facts, I do not support the idea of ignoring the
climate
change
 issue, because in the future, if humans do not take action, a horrible impact could happen.
Submitted by angelhorta313 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the complexity of your sentence structures to improve clarity and sophistication. This may involve varying sentence types and lengths, and using more advanced conjunctions and discourse markers.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, incorporate a broader range of examples and data. While the examples provided are relevant, additional evidence could make your points more convincing to the reader.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, it's important to fully address all parts of the prompt. This includes presenting a clear opinion and thoroughly exploring supporting arguments with detailed reasons and examples.

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