IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts show information concerning speed-camera use, together with statistics on road accidents, for the city of Melbourne. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words

The charts show information concerning speed-camera use, together with statistics on road accidents, for the city of Melbourne. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words
#show #information #speed-camera #statistics #road #accidents #city #melbourne #summaries #features #comparisons
The supplied line graph gives information about
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of Speed
Cameras
 in Melbourne.The second one shows us
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
the percentage
show examples
 of
Accidents&Deaths
Correct your spelling
accidents and deaths
 on Melbourne's Road.Statistics increased everywhere except death on the roads .
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
also
 rose but fell in 2005.
Overall
,
Correct article usage
the Numbers
show examples
Numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
Number
show examples
 of Speed
Cameras
 in
Mebourne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 grew rapidly
as well as
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of
accidents
 on
melbourne's
Change the capitalization
Melbourne's
show examples
 road.From 2004
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of speed
cameras
 to 2005,we see the biggest increase.
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 number of
accidents
 in 2005,
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 graph had the same index. Starting with the highest point
that is
 2005,we can say that since 2004,2 times more
cameras
 have been added.from 2003 the number of
percentage
 of
accidents
 has only increased.
Unlike
Correct pronoun usage
Unlike this
show examples
,
accidents
 will have seen quite
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 till
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2008.but deaths will
fail
Add the particle
fail to
show examples
 fall on the
contraty
Correct your spelling
contrary
,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 its indicator in 2004 was like 1%,
additionally
 it had slightly risen till 2005.
percentage
 of
accidents
 will increase
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next year to 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by muradismailbayli on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cameras, percentage, accidents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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