IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays young people know less about traditionas and culture than in the past.what are the reasons for it?is this a positive development or a negative development.

In
this
Linking Words
 modern age minor
people
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 know only little about
traditionas
Correct your spelling
traditional
traditions
 and
culture
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 than in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age.If questioned,I think it is a negative development
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several
reasons
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.So, many
reasons
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 and negative Points have been articulated in the upcoming paragraphs with appropriate examples and
explainations
Correct your spelling
explanations
explanation
.
To begin
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 with, there are numerous causes behind the recent development.
Firstly
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, young
people
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 don'
t
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 like to spend time with family or with their elders.
For instance
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 ,elderly
people
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 know more about the old customs and
culture
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. They have very vast knowledge in these fields and can share
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
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 modern
people
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. But modern
people
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 are not giving them any of their time as they are busy with either their work or study.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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this
Linking Words
, minor
people
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 of
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 era don'
t
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 like their old
culture
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 and don'
t
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 want to know about it .
For example
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, many
adolescent
Change to a plural noun
adolescents
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 now wants to know more about other countries and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to go there. They don'
t
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 want to live in their home nation . These are some
reasons
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 for the occuring cause.
According to
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 me,I think that it is a negative development. Coming with
first
Change the article
the first
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 point, if
minor
Correct word choice
young
show examples
people
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 don'
t
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 know about the past
culture
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 they won'
t
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 be able to know the
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
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 of some famous warriors who had fought in the past for their country to save it from
enemy
Add an article
the enemy
an enemy
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.
People
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 would
also
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 not know their customs and rituals. As they are very important of any religions and castes and should be learnt by the modern
people
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.
Moreover
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, modern
people
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 would
also
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 forget their
culture
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 of worshipping God and Goddess which could be a fatal blow to any country's
culture
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.
To sum up
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, I think that it is a negative impact that young
people
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 know very less about
culture
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 and heritage than in the past. Some
reasons
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 like not spending time with elders and don'
t
Use synonyms
 want to know their cultural heritage must be cause for it and it must be stopped.

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task achievement
Focus on providing a clear introduction that outlines what will be discussed. This helps set a context for your essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea.
task achievement
In order to better support your main points, use specific examples or evidence. Instead of general statements, provide clear, detailed examples that illustrate your point.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's structure by ensuring there is a logical flow from the introduction, through the body paragraphs, to the conclusion. Linking words and phrases can help improve this flow.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of spelling and grammar. Errors can detract from the clarity of your message and disrupt the reader's understanding. Regular practice and review of grammar rules can help.
task achievement
Consider your position on the issue and ensure it is clear throughout the essay. This will help with task achievement by making your argument more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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