Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achiveing happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Discuss both views abd give your opinion.

Nowadays

money

is one of the crucial tools to make a higher standard of living , financial independence and comfort of living. A part of the world human beings believe that

money

is the major factor in being joyful others believe

money

can't achieve happiness. In

this

essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my own thoughts towards

this

matter. On the one hand, it is evident that

money

gives a lot of opportunities for people, Mainly because, society can get a good education or travel to abroad get new knowledge.

For instance

, If we compare second-world countries and first-world countries we can see that education and quality of life are better than second-world countries.

Moreover

money

can give the ability to afford pleasures and leisure activities, alleviating stress related to financial hardships.

On the other hand

it is clear that

with

money

the community can get non-materialistic factors

such

as health, education, relationships and personal growth.

Consequently

, Understanding the relative importance of relationships and self-growing as a person.

Furthermore

, non-material items can be never bought by

money

However

, in the near future science can make some technology to make health healthier. In conclusion, I tend to think that

money

is a major key to making own life better and giving more opportunities for growth.

However

, people should save a balance between

money

and humanity.

Submitted by zhanabayev.z on Thu Feb 22 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your introduction more clearly presents the topic and your thesis. This sets a good foundation for the rest of the essay.

task achievement

Develop your arguments with specific examples and details. Generalizations can be less convincing than concrete evidence.

task achievement

In the discussion of both views, ensure a balanced treatment. Spend approximately the same amount of space discussing each perspective to show an unbiased view before presenting your own opinion.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay more effectively by clearly delineating paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph deals with a single main idea, contributing to the overall coherence.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words/phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances the cohesion of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Consider revising sentences that may be confusing or awkwardly constructed to improve the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

226 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Materialistic, Standard of living, Financial security, Leisure activities, Alleviate, Hardship, Social bonds, Self-actualization, Emotional well-being, Non-materialistic, Fulfillment, Contentment, Wealth disparity, Gratification, Extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, Pursuit of happiness, Affluence, Life satisfaction, Prosperity, Well-being

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achiveing happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Discuss both views abd give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Team activities can teach more skills for life than those activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many nations, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccinations in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?