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Band 5

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achiveing happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Discuss both views abd give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness #abd
Nowadays
money
 is one of the crucial tools to make a higher standard of living , financial independence and comfort of living. A part of the world human beings believe that
money
 is the major factor in being joyful others believe
money
 can't achieve happiness. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my own thoughts towards
this
 matter. On the one hand, it is evident that
money
 gives a lot of opportunities for people, Mainly because, society can get a good education or travel to abroad get new knowledge.
For instance
, If we compare second-world countries and first-world countries we can see that education and quality of life are better than second-world countries.
Moreover
,
money
 can give the ability to afford pleasures and leisure activities, alleviating stress related to financial hardships.
On the other hand
,
it is clear that
 with
money
 the community can get non-materialistic factors
such
 as health, education, relationships and personal growth.
Consequently
, Understanding the relative importance of relationships and self-growing as a person.
Furthermore
, non-material items can be never bought by
money
However
, in the near future science can make some technology to make health healthier. In conclusion, I tend to think that
money
 is a major key to making own life better and giving more opportunities for growth.
However
, people should save a balance between
money
 and humanity.
Submitted by zhanabayev.z on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction more clearly presents the topic and your thesis. This sets a good foundation for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with specific examples and details. Generalizations can be less convincing than concrete evidence.
task achievement
In the discussion of both views, ensure a balanced treatment. Spend approximately the same amount of space discussing each perspective to show an unbiased view before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay more effectively by clearly delineating paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph deals with a single main idea, contributing to the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words/phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This enhances the cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising sentences that may be confusing or awkwardly constructed to improve the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialistic, Standard of living, Financial security, Leisure activities, Alleviate, Hardship, Social bonds, Self-actualization, Emotional well-being, Non-materialistic, Fulfillment, Contentment, Wealth disparity, Gratification, Extrinsic and intrinsic motivation, Pursuit of happiness, Affluence, Life satisfaction, Prosperity, Well-being
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