The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.
The bar
char
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chart
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compares the percentage of
men
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male
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participants
in senior development in three software companies namely IBN,
Microsoft
and
Apple
from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
the figures increased throughout the
years
,
while
IBM
employed the highest
number
of
participants
. In 1980, 5
percent
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per cent
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of
senior positioned
Add a hyphen
senior-positioned
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men
was
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were
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employed
in
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at
show examples
IBM
company
.
However
, in
Apple
company
Add a comma
company,
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the
number
of
participants
was higher in that year to 15
percent
. After 10
years
, 11 and 10
percent
on
Change preposition
of
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employers were hired
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
IBM
and
Microsoft
companies respectively. There was a significant rise in
IBM
company
in 1995, the figure reached 25
percent
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per cent
show examples
participants
Change preposition
of participants
show examples
.
While
in
Microsoft
company
almost 15
percent
of
men
in senior development
position
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positions
show examples
worked. When it comes to
Apple
company
, more than 20
percent
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per cent
show examples
of senior
position
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positions
show examples
men
were employed. After five
years
, the
number
of
employers
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employees
show examples
in
IBM
company
overcame all other companies by 32
percent
.
However
, the
number
of
Apple
’s
employers
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employees
show examples
decreased to 29
percent
.
While
in
Microsoft
the same
number
of
participants
worked as it was 5
years
ago. In 2010,
IBM
company
reached almost
the
Correct article usage
a
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peak
by
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of
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65
percent
.
While
Microsoft
and
Apple
companies’
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companies
show examples
participants
grew to 45 and 25
percent
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per cent
show examples
respectively.
Submitted by lodele.0203 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, participants, microsoft, apple, years, ibm, number, percent, company with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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