IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Sports
Use synonyms
 are played everywhere around the world. few
people
Use synonyms
 start playing
sports
Use synonyms
 from childhood and develop playing
sports
Use synonyms
 as a career
havent
Correct your spelling
haven't
 said that playing
sports
Use synonyms
 is remaining active.
Sports
Use synonyms
 is
hobby
Add an article
a hobby
show examples
 which is freely acquired. It is highly argued that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
life
Correct your spelling
lift
show examples
threatning
Correct your spelling
threatening
sports
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. To commence with, sport is
activity
Add an article
an activity
show examples
 which is enjoyed by every individual between all age groups.It
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
 activity which helps
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 in. many ways like
sports
Use synonyms
 can be
Add an article
a fun
show examples
fun filled
Add a hyphen
fun-filled
show examples
afamily
Correct your spelling
family
a family
 get
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
together.
People
Use synonyms
 enjoy
sports
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they go picnics.It
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a form of daily
exrcise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 which helps to recover from many
health realted
Correct your spelling
health-related
 issues.
For example
Linking Words
, Weight loss
a nd
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 mental health.I totally agree playing
sports
Use synonyms
 should not be banned by
Correct article usage
the goveremnt
show examples
goveremnt
Correct your spelling
government
governments
. In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
, few
sports
Use synonyms
 can be
life threatning
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
 but if have the skills and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 guidance to play.
Moreover
Linking Words
, all these
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 have to take public safety measures before playing.
For instance
Linking Words
, boxing, sky diving, scuba diving and many more if all the safety procedures
our
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 taken into
considerations
Fix the agreement mistake
consideration
show examples
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these activities are performed under trained safety managers all the
sports
Use synonyms
played
Add a missing verb
are played
show examples
 for fun and some
people
Use synonyms
 can opt for playing
Correct your spelling
certain
certains
Correct your spelling
certain
sports
Use synonyms
 and can build their careers, In conclusion, I agree with the
abaove
Correct your spelling
above
 statement that everyone should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to play any
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 and do any activity if they are performed under
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
supervison
Correct your spelling
supervision
 and procedures are followed.I disagree
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
baanning
Correct your spelling
banning
balancing
 certain
sports
Use synonyms
 which lead to
illegial
Correct your spelling
illegal
 gaming activities which would be more harmful
tahn
Correct your spelling
than
 useful.

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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear and distinct introduction that explicitly states the topic and your stance on it. Consider starting with a sentence that directly addresses the question asked, followed by a thesis statement that outlines your main points.
task achievement
While you have attempted to discuss both views and provide your opinion, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. Aim to deepen your discussion by providing more detailed examples, reasoning, and analysis for each viewpoint. This will help demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay shows an attempt at coherence, but paragraphs are not clearly differentiated, and ideas within paragraphs could be more logically ordered. Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas and use connectors to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
To avoid confusion and ensure your essay flows smoothly, each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Begin paragraphs with a topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and instances of unconventional phrasing throughout your essay. Regular practice and review of grammar rules will improve your writing. Consider using online resources or English language textbooks to reinforce your understanding of grammatical structures.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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