IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People from many countries are marrying later and having fewer children. Give reasons why this is happening. Are there any positive or negative developments regarding this?

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In today’s world, it is alarming,
a
Correct word choice
that a
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reducing
Replace the word
reduction
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 of
newborn
Fix the agreement mistake
newborns
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in
Change preposition
apply
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countrywide causes government concern about
this
Linking Words
 situation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the cause of the
couples
Change noun form
couple's
couples'
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 delay in
wedding
Correct article usage
the wedding
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 and both of advantages and disadvantages
impacts
Verb problem
apply
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that
marriage
Use synonyms
 later and having fewer kids. Nowadays, young
people
Use synonyms
 are delaying
marriage
Use synonyms
 because of economic stability
and
Correct word choice
which
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to problems of financial to
people
Use synonyms
, which is considered to
this
Linking Words
, so, they have aimed to achieve financial stability before the wedding.
In addition
Linking Words
,
marriage
Use synonyms
 can bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
divorce problems in future because the couples tend to be living together without marrying.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
according to
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 research in Thailand,
people
Use synonyms
 who have
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 education
over
Correct word choice
and over
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 master’s degree
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
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 about
society
Change noun form
society's
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 if they have a kid, making decide to adopt a pet
instead
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.
However
Linking Words
, having a kid when success the life,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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sound
Correct subject-verb agreement
sounds
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 is interesting, but difficult to have a
baby
Use synonyms
 when older ages because issue heathy with pregnancy by women.
However
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that an increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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population can create value in
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 and have labor sources in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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developing countries, but have negative
such
Linking Words
 as,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Thailand
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a traditional culture that if women and men
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live together should wedding immediately, making
marriage
Use synonyms
 when young, which occur divorces is rising than before because
people
Use synonyms
 spent short time together and, if they have a
baby
Use synonyms
 and not able to take care of children closer may lead to society problem
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the factor is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important is the standard of salary is lower than the cost of living, making parents unable support to their children fully. In conclusion, it seems the couple avoid
delay
Correct article usage
the delay
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to marry
Change preposition
in marrying
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 and having little children or no have
because
Add the preposition
because of
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concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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 the effect
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 economic conditions
to
Change preposition
on
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 themselves and
Use synonyms
baby
Correct article usage
the baby
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 in future. So, authorities should have policies
encourage
Fix the infinitive
to encourage
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 and create
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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 have a
baby
Use synonyms

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coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a clear and structured outline before writing the essay. Each paragraph should serve a distinct purpose, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. This can help your essay flow more smoothly and logically.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion succinctly present the main argument and summarize key points without introducing new information in the conclusion.
task achievement
To fully address the task, ensure your arguments are clear and comprehensive by developing a few key points in depth rather than touching on many in a superficial manner.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points. This strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Review the accuracy and relevance of your examples. They should clearly support the discussion topic and contribute to the overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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