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Band 3

It is important for all towns and cities to have large outdoor public spaces such as park. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #spaces #park
Firstly
,I do agree that people who
lives
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live
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 in urban areas should have more outdoor activities. To stay in a healthy life,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 sports might be
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 for us to keep the doctors away.
Instead
 of doing
exersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 at home,it is hoped that people can go out and play sports outside. Once we are exposed
in
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to
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 the air outside the window,we are likely to feel comfortable.We can enjoy the breeze and
greenary
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greenery
while
 we are walking in a park,it is a great way to enhance both our mental and
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
 health.
Besides
 that,outdoor spaces in public can
also
 please
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dog
 owners.
Due to
 the differences between
country side
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countryside
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 and urban
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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,it is quite difficult to walk a
dog
 until your
dog
 is satisfied in town. A huge non-indoor place in cities can significantly change a
dog
's mood.
However
,
literatlly
Correct your spelling
literally
 everything has a downside,spreading the outdoor public area could be a waste of
lands
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land
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,perhaps building a
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 estate is more suitable for people who
are desired
Wrong verb form
desire
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 to buy a flat.
To sum up
,outdoor activities can let us improve
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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our corporal and mental health. It can
convenient
Add a missing verb
be convenient
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pet
Change preposition
for pet
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 owners as well.
That is
 why I strongly
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
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 developed places should have a big area for outdoor social activities.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that succinctly present your overall argument and summary. Your introduction could more directly address the question, and your conclusion could be more assertive and summarised.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more detailed examples to better support your arguments. Including statistics, facts, or hypothetical scenarios could significantly enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more logical transitions between paragraphs. Use phrases that connect your ideas more fluidly, such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition to', or 'Conversely' when introducing contrasting points.
coherence cohesion
Check for typographical and grammatical errors. Errors can distract from your message and decrease the overall professionalism of your essay. Consider utilizing writing tools or a peer review to catch mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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