Frequently, it's noted that nowadays people opt to stay indoors rather than venturing outdoors. Give reasons to this. Is it good or bad?
It is often reported that individuals nowadays prefer to spend their valuable
time
at home
rather than being outside. The main reason of
Change preposition
for
this
is the effect of highly
developed internet and social Correct article usage
the highly
network
, Fix the agreement mistake
networks
people
tend to sit on social platforms during the whole day. I will explicitly explain whether it is a good or bad idea in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
with, there might be some advantages of being at home
, such
as they would not be part of the
drug-related or any other crime. To put it more Correct article usage
apply
simple
, often teenagers who are not under anyone's supervision, and when they go to study Change the word
simply
to
Change preposition
in
the
large city, they are always fascinated with university parties, city life, and nightlife entertainments, which leads to illegal acts. So that's why, I think, teenagers and kids should spend their Correct article usage
a
time
at the residence reading books and focusing on their study
.
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
On the other hand
, staying aloof might effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
people
and lead to be uninvolved with society. That is
to say, sticking to the home
always and sitting on the internet would affect on
Change preposition
apply
people
mental health. Change noun form
people's
For instance
, if he is sedentary, moreover
without communication, he might feel boring
and lacking Replace the word
bored
interested
. Replace the word
interest
Therefore
, people
should consistently go outside, spend time
with friends, in
addition
enjoy lots of entertainment. Because, it is every Add the comma(s)
addition,
time
good idea to go outside, and after all pleasure time
, it is more likely the second breath of life,
In conclusion, human beings should choose whether they want to settle at home
or keep company with peers outside, in my opinion, it should be always balanced with each other.Submitted by omarovaa.access on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout your essay by connecting ideas smoothly and transitioning effectively between paragraphs. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines your perspective on the topic, ensuring a cohesive structure that leads to your conclusion. Clearly restate your main points and your stance in the conclusion for stronger impact.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully with detailed examples and explanations. While you've provided reasons and a light example, expanding on these with more depth and detail will significantly improve your essay.
task achievement
Strive for a balance in discussing both sides of the argument before presenting your conclusion. You've mostly done this, but ensuring each viewpoint is equally explored will make your final position more persuasive.
Your opinion
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