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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart provides information about how families in a country spent weekly income in both 1968 and in 2018.

The bar chart provides information about how families in a country spent weekly income in both 1968 and in 2018.
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The bar graph details
average
Correct article usage
the average

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 spending per week for
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households

It seems that household may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 in a given country in the years 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
it is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 leisure activities had the highest share in average consumption costs of each family,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 that of food was the least. In 1968, families spent most on food,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 35 % of their weekly income.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, expenditures on housing, clothing and footwear each accounted for 10 % of the weekly income.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the costs of personal goods, transport, and leisure activities became more similar, with components standing between 6 and just over 8 per cent. In 2018, the average prices of leisure had the largest portion of consumption at around 23 per cent,
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 average spending on fuel and power, personal goods and clothing and footwear all had a depletion to no more than 5 %.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the pattern of food, housing and transport were noticeably different, money spent on household goods remained at roughly 7%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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