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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale
It is common among the population to believe that investing in plans of re-establishing animal species,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 the tiger or the blue whale, which are about to disappear from Terra's fauna, is an unreasonable way of spending a state's budget.
Howether
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However
, I disagree with the idea, as I am
on
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of
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 the opinion that along
the
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with the
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 damage people do to the environment, they should
also
 put effort
in
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into
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 resolving the problems they
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
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. In general, the reason I opt for saving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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endagerd
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endangered
 species
,
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apply
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 is the belief that
one
drastical
Correct your spelling
drastic
drastically
 alteration of the food chain, as the dying of
one
 category of animals, could have a dramatical effect on the entire living world.
Therefore
, an imbalance in the ecosystem might occur and affect every trophic level, resulting
to
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in
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 a catastrophe.
For instance
, in China a famine was caused
due to
one
 law which was promulgated and promoted the killing of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
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apply
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sparrows.
Consequently
, the bugs started to reproduce over the normal state and
destroye
Correct your spelling
destroy
destroyed
 the crops in the fields.
On the other hand
, a more widely held view is that there are plenty of challanges, characterised by a higher level of urgent need of resolving, which seem to be more significant. Specifically, in some parts of the world, human beings have to face poverty, the damage of wars, inequality and abuse which on the whole, represent problems society has to solve.
In particular
, international organizations, as UNICEF, put their effort in protecting vulnerable children living under uncertain conditions, giving them shelter, education and defending their rights. On the whole,
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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scientist and
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apply
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the
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apply
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leaders should
devide
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divide
decide
 their focus equally on finding solutions for the issues concerning both, the animal world and the human
one
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Ensure a strong, clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences directly relate to this main idea.
coherence & cohesion
Provide a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the reader's engagement and demonstrate language proficiency.
coherence & cohesion
Work on developing a more cohesive link between paragraphs by using a range of transition words and phrases to show how ideas connect.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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