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Band 5

Social interaction between people is destroyed by technology. Do you agree or disagree.

#interaction #people #technology
Recently,
technology
 has developed all around the world. Thanks to
technology
 the lives of individuals have changed in many positive ways.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
technology
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to easy life
standart
Correct your spelling
standards
 and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 information rapidly, some citizens think that social
interaction
 between
people
 is destroyed by
technology
. I do not agree with
this
 idea, because in my opinion,
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
developments
 have a
lot
 of upsides and the behaviour of humans
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not change by
technology
.
This
 essay will explain those below.
Firstly
, technological
developments
 are so
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the lives of
people
. Especially,
due to
 these
developments
,
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 communication options have sharply increased. Long years ago citizens did not have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to communicate quickly with others. They used to wait numerous days in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their messages transported
for
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to
show examples
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
.
On the other hand
, nowadays, If
ones
Replace the word
one
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 make
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 with others who
wait
Wrong verb form
are waiting for
show examples
Change preposition
for messages
show examples
messages
Change preposition
for messages
show examples
 other
people
 just use their
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and text messages.
This
 situation
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 social
interaction
 between humans.
Secondly
, the behaviour of
people
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
chance
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
 by
technology
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
 time, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that technological
developments
 happen
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, individuals find a
lot
 of
people
 who have social features and their social interactions are so strong. If citizens look
this
Change preposition
at this
show examples
 issue,
technology
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have bad impacts on social
interaction
.
Otherwise
, thanks to
technology
, engineers create a
lot
 of new things and these things lead to improvement
social
Change preposition
in social
show examples
interaction
. In conclusion, the
technology
 has a
lot
 of advantages for the lives of humans.
Specially
Rephrase
In particular
show examples
,
technology
 impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
communication
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in many
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 ways. Owing to these
developments
, the
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
people
 is
rapid
Correct quantifier usage
more rapid
show examples
 and easy than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 times.
Submitted by izzetmiski17 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance the Task Response, ensure that your essay fully addresses the question by developing your viewpoint more comprehensibly. Include specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. This will help articulate a complete response to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, work on organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and ensure a smooth flow of thoughts by employing linking words or phrases. This will create a structured and easily understandable essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Digital communication
  • Social dynamics
  • Cyberbullying
  • Synchronous and asynchronous communication
  • Virtual reality
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Digital native
  • Screen time
  • Emotional detachment
What to do next:
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