IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

To what extent do you agree that people in high positions should get paid more than those in lower positions.

#people #positions
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To what
extent
 do you agree that
people
 in high
positions
 should get paid more than those in lower
positions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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Task Achievement
The essay lacks a clear structure and does not develop an argument effectively. To improve, ensure your essay has a clear introduction stating your position, body paragraphs that develop your argument with examples, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay repeats the same sentence without building a coherent argument or following a logical structure. To enhance coherence and cohesion, organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each exploring a different aspect of the topic. Use linking words to connect your ideas and ensure clarity in your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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