Attending a live performance ( for example a play, concert, or sport event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree
There
are
controversial Change the verb form
is
perspective
heating a debate over Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
going
to a Correct word choice
whether going
performance
live is more exciting watching
the same ones online. From my point of view, I consider myself an advocate of Change preposition
than watching
this
notion but it depends on the people
’s feelings.
For some people
, when they come to an event
and immerse themself this
moment makes them relax and more happier because around them there are numerous people
who have the same inclination as them. For example
, attending an idol’s concert, listening to a live song with a real man, taking
a picture with your Correct word choice
or taking
favorite
person.Change the spelling
favourite
This
is an unforgettable experience . Hence
, showing up to a live performance
is more enjoyable than other ways.
In stark contrast, some people
have an interested
in watching the same Replace the word
interest
event
on television. And the reason for this
is because they don’t need to pay but can still enjoy it or they feel uncomfortable in a crowded place and they can save the
time watching it at home. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, a concert or sporting event
are
always Correct subject-verb agreement
is
broadcasted
live on TV, Wrong verb form
broadcast
people
who do not want to go out can enjoy it with their friends or family. Correct word choice
and people
Hence
, watching a performance
on television is also
a nice method.
In conclusion, watching a performance
live or on television it’s each person’s choice because the feelings of the person are different but in my opinion
going to Add a comma
opinion,
the
live Correct article usage
a
event
is an unforgettable experience.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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Task Achievement
Aim to present a clear and direct opinion in your introduction to immediately address the topic. While you stated your position, it could be made more straightforward and impactful by eliminating ambiguity.
Task Achievement
To score higher in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay both sides of the argument before concluding with your own reasoned and supported opinion. This includes providing specific examples to back up your points which were somewhat lacking in this essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the progression of ideas smoother and easier to follow.
General
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Though not directly related to the tasks above, these improvements contribute significantly to the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.