Attending a live performance ( for example a play, concert, or sport event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#live #performance #play #concert #sport #event #television

There

are

Change the verb form

show examples

controversial

perspective

Fix the agreement mistake

perspectives

show examples

heating a debate over

going

Correct word choice

whether going

show examples

to a

performance

live is more exciting

watching

Change preposition

than watching

show examples

the same ones online. From my point of view, I consider myself an advocate of

this

notion but it depends on the

people

’s feelings. For some

people

, when they come to an

event

and immerse themself

this

moment makes them relax and more happier because around them there are numerous

people

who have the same inclination as them.

For example

, attending an idol’s concert, listening to a live song with a real man,

taking

Correct word choice

or taking

show examples

a picture with your

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

person.

This

is an unforgettable experience .

Hence

, showing up to a live

performance

is more enjoyable than other ways. In stark contrast, some

people

have an

interested

Replace the word

interest

show examples

in watching the same

event

on television. And the reason for

this

is because they don’t need to pay but can still enjoy it or they feel uncomfortable in a crowded place and they can save

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

time watching it at home.

For instance

, a concert or sporting

event

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

always

broadcasted

Wrong verb form

broadcast

show examples

live on TV,

people

Correct word choice

and people

show examples

who do not want to go out can enjoy it with their friends or family.

Hence

, watching a

performance

on television is

also

a nice method. In conclusion, watching a

performance

live or on television it’s each person’s choice because the feelings of the person are different but in my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

going to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

live

event

is an unforgettable experience.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Fri Feb 23 2024

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Task Achievement

Aim to present a clear and direct opinion in your introduction to immediately address the topic. While you stated your position, it could be made more straightforward and impactful by eliminating ambiguity.

Task Achievement

To score higher in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay both sides of the argument before concluding with your own reasoned and supported opinion. This includes providing specific examples to back up your points which were somewhat lacking in this essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on structuring your essay more logically to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the progression of ideas smoother and easier to follow.

General

Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Though not directly related to the tasks above, these improvements contribute significantly to the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

239 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Attending a live performance ( for example a play, concert, or sport event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In today fast-paced world, many individuals struggle with delaying or postponing tasks.

Some people believe that the best way to control accidents on city streets is to lower the speed limit but others think there are more important issues that need attention before roads can be safe. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

More and more children are accessing the internet unsupervised at a younger age. This can sometimes put children at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children and how can that problem be solved

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages both situations.