IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You are having a graduation party next Saturday night. You have invited 50 people to celebrate at an outdoor barbecue evening, which may continue till late night. Write a letter to your elderly neighbour. In your letter: explain what will be happening offer your apologies in advance invite him/her to visit your house someday

#graduation #party #saturday #night #people #barbecue #neighbour #offer #apologies #advance #visit #house
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Dear neighbour, I am writing to apologize for I am having a graduation
party
 with my classmates at our home after a week. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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sincerely
Change the word
sincere
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 and I regret that I know you do not like noise but our teacher chose my house for
party
Correct article usage
a party
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
 I did not say anything because my teacher
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 really angry. I have invented
approximetely
Correct your spelling
approximately
 50 and
party
Correct article usage
the party
show examples
 may continue till night. We planned what
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 at the
party
. I think
this
party
 will
bring
Verb problem
cause
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 some inconvenience to many of our
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. We are going to have a barbecue
party
 in the evening and before
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we want to do karaoke and we
also
 want to organize
Correct article usage
a dances
show examples
dances
Change the noun form
dance
show examples
 competition. I apologize in advance for
this
. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
thoughts
Add a comma
thoughts,
show examples
 you are the oldest among our
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
thus
 my mother
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 advice to me which I will write to you
apology
Correct article usage
an apology
show examples
 letter.I promise you we will you to our house
oneday
Correct your spelling
one day
 and we have dinner together.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 sincerely, Baxshandabonu
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your letter includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Introduce the topic in the first paragraph, discuss details in the middle paragraphs, and conclude appropriately. The letter's structure was somewhat confusing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas or parts of your message. Each paragraph should have a single clear idea, which wasn't always the case in your letter.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter should always start with an appropriate greeting (e.g., 'Dear [Name],') and end with a closing (e.g., 'Yours sincerely, [Your Name]'). Your closing was informal; striving for a more formal sign-off could improve tone consistency.
Task Achievement
Ensure you carefully read the task instructions. Your letter should clearly explain what will be happening, offer apologies, and extend an invitation. While you touched upon these, the explanations and invitations could be clearer and more direct.
Task Achievement
Maintain a suitable tone throughout the letter. The tone fluctuated and sometimes felt informal for writing to an elderly neighbor. Aim for a consistently respectful and formal tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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