IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

What are advantages and disadvantages of starting work at 16 or 18 after school?

#work #school
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Nowadays.
people
 are working after
finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school in
this
 essay
Correct your spelling
I will
Iwill
Correct your spelling
will
 discuss both advantages and dis
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
Firstly
 there are a lot of advantages first
People
 are working early why it is good because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will get married early and
to having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a employees
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
show examples
Correct your spelling
maybe
myube
Verb problem
apply
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above 35 years
however
Correct word choice
old however
show examples
 there is
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life and how many types of
people
 .more over there will be work a
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
for example
 :restaurant from 3 pm to 10 pm It is good for them because that
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a money
however
 it is good for
income
Correct pronoun usage
their income
show examples
 ,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 is easy to balance the
unversity
Correct your spelling
university
 and the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
 .it is
challeng
Correct your spelling
challenging
 but it focuses on
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 a money in good method . There are a lot of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 a west
time
 in bad .it is important to
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 hard On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand
.there
Correct your spelling
there
 are disadvantages first most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
 to
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 anywhere anytime that freedom
for example
 :
this
 day has a football match that need to go to a studiam
this
student
 is working and they can'
t
 go to
this
 match
moreover
 They
student
 are helping their parents about the money in
this
 ages .it is struggle to understand and work . Most
students
 can'
t
 balance between the school and work so it is too hard because all the
people
 have a Herat one and the brain one that's bad for any pepole
In addition
.
Student
 can'
t
 see thier parents because there are going to study at school and job .There is a problem with a sleep can'
t
 a
student
 sleep enough hours a regular
time
 .
To sum up
 the main point advantages is a income from a part
time
 for a
student
 but the main point disadvantages is a struggled to sleep or take enough hours for
students
 That will be bad for them .in my opinion in
this
 essay I absolutely with disadvantages because
students
 will be a mental problem.
Submitted by nawafalruwaili363 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Introduce the topic properly in the beginning, develop your points in the body paragraphs, and summarize them in the conclusion.
grammar
Work on grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence. Use a variety of sentence structures and be mindful of grammatical accuracy to make your essay easier to understand.
content
Include specific examples to support your arguments. Examples make your points stronger and more convincing. Try to include at least one specific example per advantage or disadvantage.
coherence
Consider using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Words like 'furthermore,' 'on the other hand,' and 'in conclusion' can help to guide the reader through your essay.
presentation
Proofread your essay to correct any spelling or typographical errors. This will improve the overall presentation of your work and make it appear more professional.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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