Study shows that criminals have low levels of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?
Rising crime rates have now been increasing out of control. In order to control and help
criminals
better, criminals
are given education
while
in prison. In my opinion, I side with this
perspective because of its benefits.
The first explanation for my agreement is that education
gives criminals
many opportunities. Criminals
are vulnerable to many temptations such
as drug trafficking, violent action or murder people which result from the lack of proper education
. By this
, I mean the government can insert moral or law lessons to teach the
Correct article usage
apply
criminals
to distinguish right from wrong, raising their awareness.
Secondly
, while
being in jail, inmates have plenty of time to waste. For instance
, there are some people who allocate that time to use unacceptable substances. So, at that time, teaching offenders about some skills
which can prepare them for their future jobs when they get out of prison, like some hand-on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
skills
, problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
skills
or communication skills
. Therefore
, this
directly contributes to the act that immensely decreases the number of petty crimes, becomes a better version of themselves and not
go back to the wrong way.
Add a missing verb
does not
Finally
, although
the cost to provide
Change preposition
of providing
education
for criminals
is huge, we need to see the long-lasting of this
investment. To illustrate, gaining proper education
can enable them to become potential workers in the future. This
can contribute to the fact that educating them to have lower recidivism, decreases burden
for social order. Correct article usage
the burden
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
solution is a contribution to the economy of the country.
In conclusion, educating criminals
can gain many advantages ranging from leading them to the right way to becoming beneficial people to the country. I strongly believe it is the best way to decrease crime rates,
and lower recidivism.Remove the comma
apply
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task achievement
Expand your introduction with a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your position and the main arguments you will discuss.
task achievement
Provide more detailed, real-world examples to support your points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing and specific.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay flows well from one idea to the next by using a variety of linking words and phrases effectively. This will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points before restating your thesis. This will provide a stronger closure to your essay.