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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #improvements
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Some people believe that schools should give prizes to
admission
Use synonyms
 who get good academic results,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 believe that they have better rewards who have improvements
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 studying. In my opinion, both types of
admission
Use synonyms
 deserve to get rewards at school institutions. First of all, students who show the best academic results are spending an amount of time focusing on lessons and doing all the assignments, and they
also
Linking Words
 have a versatile mindset to be successful at academic studying.
Therefore
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, among all the
Use synonyms
admission
Fix the agreement mistake
admissions
show examples
, they stand out to be rewarded at school.
However
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, schools should
also
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 consider paying attention to the
Use synonyms
admission
Fix the agreement mistake
admissions
show examples
 who always make efforts. At every lesson, they are trying to expand their knowledge, to get better every day. Those are very hard-working
admission
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 despite having
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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difficulty
at
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apply
show examples
studying
such
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 as disabled students, etc.
Above all
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, it is
also
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 crucial to reward them the same as
admission
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 who get good academic scores. In conclusion, schooling institutions should recognize both types of students, and observe the improvements they make
while
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 studying.
Hence
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, they can measure the good rewards for their
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Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Linh Thùy on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, focus on developing your ideas more comprehensively by incorporating specific examples to support your arguments. This shows a deeper understanding of the topic and provides clarity to your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Also, strive for paragraphing that clearly delineates your discussion points, making your essay more reader-friendly.
Language Proficiency
Use synonyms and varied sentence structures to enrich your vocabulary and avoid repetition. This not only demonstrates your language proficiency but also keeps the reader engaged.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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