Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goals. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many administrations believe that economic
development
is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
their most significant goal.
While
some humans believe that many different kinds of
progress
are equally crucial for a
country
. In my opinion, both views are to some degree important, but financial advancement is
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
more important goal. On the one hand, financial
development
is being most major goal for many governments. Because economic
progress
ensures a high standard of living, increases employment opportunities and enables better healthcare and education systems.
Moreover
, a focus on economic improvement may lead to environmental
degradition
Correct your spelling
degradation
, wealth disparity and neglect of cultural and social values.
For instance
, in many countries, monetary
development
is being most significant
goals
Fix the agreement mistake
goal
show examples
.
However
, it
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
causing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environmental
degradition
Correct your spelling
degradation
and others.
On the other hand
, other
types
of
progress
such
as social equality, sustainable
development
, and advancements in healthcare and education are integral to a nation's well-being.
Therefore
, cultural
progress
preserves a nation's heritage, fosters a sense of
identify
Replace the word
identity
show examples
and promotes global cultural diversity.
Moreover
, other
types
of
progress
are that personal
development
and self-fulfilment are as important as a
country
's economic wealth. Suppose that America
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
progress
from other
types
than economic
progress
. In
this
country
, there are many
prize
Change to a plural noun
prizes
show examples
in healthcare and education. In conclusion, governments believe that economic
progress
should be
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
significant
goals
Fix the agreement mistake
goal
show examples
.
However
, some individuals think that other
types
of
development
are crucial
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
for a
country
.
Moreover
, other progresses profit to
country
, but
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
decision
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
the quality of life and
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
much more beneficial.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task including discussing both views and giving your own opinion clearly. Expand on your arguments with more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay by linking ideas more clearly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas, and ensure paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
For coherence, ensure your essay flows smoothly by organizing it logically with a clear introduction that states the topic and your opinion, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and a conclusion that summarizes your views succinctly.
task achievement
In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your own viewpoint and ensure that it is effectively summarized in the conclusion to enhance task response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: