IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #space #exploration
Some countries spend enormous amounts of money on exploring
of
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apply
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space
,
while
 some people feel that investments will be useless and have other ways to spend the money for advantages than
this
 way. In my opinion, I believe that the data for
exploration
 leads to developing and advanced knowledge to use in the future. Nowadays,
exploration
 the
space
 is necessary to
encouraged
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encourage
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 the government
for developed
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to develop
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 specific equipment, which uses high technology because outer
earth
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Earth
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 without gravities
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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need
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the need
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 to invent the equipment appropriate
with
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for
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space
 conditions
such
 a
such
 a spacecraft, rockets etc., particularly food should high
quality
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food high-quality
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.
Additionally
, outer the planet
a
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apply
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plenty of dangers, that can not predict, so, astronauts have
practiced
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practised
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familiar
Add a missing verb
being familiar
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 with weightlessness and if have an emergency situation need to report
as
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it as
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 fast. It is undeniable that
space
exploration
cost
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costs
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 a lot and
Add a missing verb
is dangers
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dangers
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dangerous
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,
however
, knowledge of
the
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apply
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space
 has hugs beneficial to the world. Particularly satellites by using
idea
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ideas
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 from the orbit cycle of asteroids,
for example
 providing a large-scale view of weather conditions across the globe make
prediction
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predictions
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 the weather advance prediction and
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 a plan to handle
with
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apply
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it.
Moreover
, communication satellites
have
Verb problem
are
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importance
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important
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 in sending
signal
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signals
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 on televisions and telephones which aid
to
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in
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 connecting with people
although
Correct word choice
who
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, live in different
place
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places
show examples
. In conclusion, data from
exploration
 leads to new inventions in the world and aids make life easier,
also
 preparing to cope with changes in the earth,
Therefore
, I believe it is a wise decision to keep funding these programs.
Submitted by chompoo34888 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the overall structure can be improved by creating clearer and more logical connections between your ideas. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly addresses the task prompt and presents your opinion. Expand your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion. This approach strengthens the overall argument and clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and stating your opinion. To improve, ensure your body paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas, supported by relevant examples or explanations. This will enhance task achievement and clarity.
General Advice
Pay attention to your grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary usage. Varied sentence structures and a wide range of vocabulary not only improve the readability of your essay but also positively affect your score. Consider proofreading your essay to correct minor errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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