IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many governments think that economic progress is their most improtant goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #improtant #people #country
Over the
last
 few years, the question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 many
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
is
Verb problem
have
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financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 forward movement has become one of the most controversial ones in many parts of the world.
While
 some people strongly support the opinion that high purpose that
depeloping
Correct your spelling
developing
 been economic progress. In
plently
Correct your spelling
plenty
 countries are increasing
this
 global produce. There are other humans who think that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
development has been in large numbers had ways. On the one hand, it is commonly argued
some
Change preposition
by some
show examples
 groups of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 that it is
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
show examples
 of
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 foundation. The first argument that they bring in order to support their point of view is that it
ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
show examples
 a high standard of living.
For example
, it has
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 employment opportunities
,
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apply
show examples
 and
enables
Wrong verb form
enabled
show examples
 better healthcare and education systems. Another reason why
claim
Add an article
the claim
a claim
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 is that
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
is make
Wrong verb form
makes
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 the wealthy.
On the other hand
, despite mentioned
counter arguments
Correct your spelling
counterarguments
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, it is thought by others that a focus on
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 growth may lead to environmental degradation.
Likewise
, wealth
disprarity
Correct your spelling
disparity
, and neglect of cultural and social values they think
this
 is true mainly
due to
 the evidence that cultural betterment preserves a nation's heritage.
For instance
,
fosfers
Correct your spelling
fosters
offers
 a
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of identity, and promotes. Global racial diversity.
Hence
, technological improvement increases efficiency and innovation but could
also
 result in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
job displacements and privacy miscellany.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 measuring progress with comprehensive indices. In conclusion,
although
 some humans support the idea that financial forward ensures a large normal of existing,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 advocate that other types of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
progress
such
 as social equality, sustainable development, and advancements in healthcare and education are integral to a nation's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on providing a clear structure to your essay, including a distinct introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to better link your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
Address the task directly, making sure to discuss both sides of the argument clearly and providing your own opinion in a separate paragraph.
task achievement
Include specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and precision in expressing your ideas, avoiding overly complicated sentences or unclear expressions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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