IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

The production of
consumer
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 around the world has been increasing rapidly in
the
Correct word choice
recent
show examples
last
Linking Words
few
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 than ever before.
As a result
Linking Words
, the waste of
consumer
Use synonyms
 goods pollutes our natural environment
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
hence,
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 some serious actions need to be taken immediately to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the world’s population has
increases
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 dramatically in the
last
Linking Words
 few
years
Use synonyms
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 which leads to
raising
Verb problem
an increase in
show examples
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various
products
Use synonyms
 to meet their daily
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
 needs. In developing countries
such
Linking Words
 as Indonesia,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 became prevalent by cutting trees for farmland and to exploit wood used to produce
furnitures
Correct your spelling
furniture
 and materials to construct homes.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the massive amount of
trees
Fix the agreement mistake
tree
show examples
 loss resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 natural
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 floods and
landslides
Punctuation problem
landslides,
show examples
 because the root function to retain
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 amount of water in the ground
had been
Verb problem
apply
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no longer
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
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.
At the end
Linking Words
 of 2024, severe damage floods occurred in
Sumatera
Use the right word
Sumatra
show examples
 Island
due to
Linking Words
 intense
deforestation
Use synonyms
 during the
last
Linking Words
 30
years
Use synonyms
, which caused loss
lives
Change preposition
of lives
show examples
 and livelihoods for the residents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
consumer
Use synonyms
 goods to be used in daily consumption
Verb problem
is trigger
show examples
trigger
Replace the word
triggered
show examples
 by consumerism. Every single day, we use
products
Use synonyms
 made from plastics, and
this
Linking Words
 material is
Correct article usage
an undegradable
show examples
undegradable
Replace the word
ungradable
show examples
substances
Fix the agreement mistake
substance
show examples
 for
hundred
Fix the agreement mistake
hundreds
show examples
 of
years
Use synonyms
. The best viable solution to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem is by giving education to societies about the dangers of
deforestation
Use synonyms
 because by doing so, their awareness will
raise
Wrong verb form
be raised
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 step
expected
Verb problem
is expected
show examples
reduces
Verb problem
to reduce
show examples
 the number of trees
loss
Replace the word
lost
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the governments should encourage citizens to reduce the usage of plastic
products
Use synonyms
 and
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
recycle
Replace the word
recycled
show examples
 materials in their daily lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, in department stores around Indonesia, they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
no longer
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 plastic bags to carry
products
Use synonyms
 they purchase, but paper bags
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered degradable and do not pollute the environment. In conclusion, I contend that rapid population growth and consumerism
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
 to high demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
consumer
Use synonyms
 goods. But I believe that the governments
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 role to educate societies regarding the danger of
deforestation
Use synonyms
 and encourage them to use recycled materials in their daily lives.

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structure
Have a clear plan: write about causes first, then the fixes. Add a short intro and a short end.
grammar
Use shorter, plain sentences. Check spelling and keep the same tense.
content
Give one real example and say how the fix can work in real life.
strength
The essay shows a plan to talk about causes and fixes.
strength
It uses a real example (the floods in Sumatra) to support points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • production
  • consumer goods
  • natural environment
  • damage
  • causes
  • overconsumption
  • demand
  • environmental regulations
  • enforcement
  • natural resources
  • industrial pollution
  • waste
  • inadequate
  • waste management practices
  • public awareness
  • education
  • sustainable alternatives
  • stricter environmental laws
  • recycling
  • responsible consumption
  • clean technologies
  • renewable energy
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