IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#places #age #cultures #youth
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Generally, old age will
given
Change the verb form
give
be given
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 a traditional culture and develop
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life
Add an article
a life
the life
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 of ancient culture and young
people
Use synonyms
 will develop
society
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by
Change preposition
through
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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life
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 with a
lot
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 of new modern
life
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.
This
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 essay will discuss that young age should connect to a
lot
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 of cultures with the modern lifestyle and develop the
society
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 with many fields.
To begin
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, it can be seen that
society
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 will more develop if continuing with
the
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apply
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modern
life
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.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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 young
people
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 can have a
lot
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 of ideas to create many modern facilities
with
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apply
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usefully and it
also
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 improves the quality of
people
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's living. For distance, a
lot
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 of
technology
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 systems are created to serve the living of
people
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 and provide intellectuals for the
people
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.
Although
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 the strong development of
the
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apply
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modern
life
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,
technology
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 can have a big impact on the
abusement
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abuse
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 and unawareness of
people
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 with a
lot
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 of
technology
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 facilities.
On the other hand
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, older
people
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 can contribute to the
people
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's living
by
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in
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 some ways
such
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 as
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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 the beauty of cultures with a
lot
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 of ancient
traditionals
Correct your spelling
traditions
.
Besides
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 that, older
people
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 will be the strong generations to
continued
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continue
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 to the next generations.
However
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, if
society
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 develops
to
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apply
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this
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 method, the development of
people
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 in many fields will reduce a
lot
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 and it
also
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 develops by the way that old hat.
For example
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, a
lot
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 of dangerous customs will appear to affect
to
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apply
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the quality of
people
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's living. In conclusion,
society
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 can develop
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 two ways
that
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apply
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youth and old age.
People
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 should contribute to the development of
society
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 individually because it will develop equally.
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Task Achievement
First, ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the question and presents a brief overview of both views. This sets a clear framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
Second, develop your main body paragraphs by discussing each view separately. Provide clear topic sentences and follow them with explanations, examples, or evidence. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Third, improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. This will help your essay flow better and make your arguments clearer to the reader.
Task Achievement
Fourth, revise your conclusion to restate your personal viewpoint more clearly and summarize the key points discussed. Ensure your opinion is comprehensive and reflects the complexities of the topic.
Task Achievement
Lastly, incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. Real-world examples, research findings, or hypothetic scenarios can provide convincing evidence for your perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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