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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that violent computer games are just a form of entertainment, while others think they lead directly to violent behavior. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #computer #games #form #entertainment #behavior
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In contemporary society, the debate over the influence of violent computer
games
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 on
behaviour
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 continues to be contentious.
While
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 some argue that these
games
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 are merely a form of
entertainment
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, others contend that they directly contribute to aggressive tendencies.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before concluding with an opinion on the matter. Advocates of violent computer
games
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 as harmless
entertainment
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 often highlight the lack of conclusive evidence linking gameplay to real-life violence. Research conducted by Ferguson and Olson (2014) suggests that the correlation between violent video
games
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 and aggressive
behaviour
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 is weak at best.
Additionally
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, proponents argue that
such
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games
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 provide an outlet for stress and frustration, allowing individuals to unwind in a controlled virtual environment rather than resorting to violence in reality.
Conversely
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, opponents argue that the desensitization to violence and the reinforcement of aggressive
behaviour
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 within these
games
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 can translate into real-life actions. Studies have shown a significant increase in aggressive thoughts and
behaviour
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 among individuals exposed to violent gaming content.
Furthermore
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, the immersive nature of these
games
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 can blur the lines between fantasy and reality, potentially leading players to mimic violent actions in their daily lives. In conclusion, whilst the debate over the impact of violent computer
games
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 on
behaviour
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 remains unresolved, it is crucial to consider the potential risks they pose.
Whereas
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 some view them as harmless
entertainment
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, others raise valid concerns about their influence on aggressive tendencies. Personally, I believe that
albeit
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although
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 these
games
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 may not directly cause violent
behaviour
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, they can certainly exacerbate pre-existing inclinations towards aggression.
Therefore
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, it is essential for individuals, particularly parents and guardians, to monitor and regulate exposure to
such
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 content, ensuring a balance between
entertainment
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 and responsible
behaviour
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.
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Task Achievement
To improve your 'task achievement' score, incorporate a broader range of specific examples that directly support your arguments. Using cases, research findings, or statistics can strengthen your position and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion of both views before providing your conclusion. While your essay presents a well-structured argument, dedicating more space to each perspective equally can enhance the overall balance and effectiveness of your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance your ‘coherence and cohesion’ through more varied and complex sentence structures. Though your essay is well-organized, utilizing a wider range of sentence forms can improve flow and readability, making your argument more engaging and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider the use of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help in making the transition between sections smoother, allowing for a more cohesive argument that is easier for the reader to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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