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Band 3.5

Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #space #exploration
These years , companies spent a lot of
money
 on
space
exploration
 and that`s why a group of people uphold that there are more beneficial ways to spend
this
money
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. The people`s first reason is that , with the budget for
space
exploration
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is almost
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
billions of dollars each year , governments can solve a large number of problems on our planet
such
 as poverty.
for example
, by spending that
money
 on countries that are facing the problem of poverty , one of the biggest problems of the
last
 century will be solved. Another area that governments can spend that
money
 on is preventing deforestation .
due to
 deforestation in these years , we do not have enough oxygen for the next generation and
it is clear that
 saving our generation and our planet is more important than
space
exploration
 .
To conclude
 , everyone knows that
space
exploration
 is very helpful for the improvement of our extraterrestrial science but we have a lot of big problems down here on Earth that we have to solve first and I would agree with a group of people who believe there are more beneficial area to spend the budget of
space
exploration
.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
It’s important to structure your essay more clearly. Introduce your argument in the first paragraph, discuss each main point in separate paragraphs, and then conclude effectively. This helps in presenting a logical flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs, such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' 'however,' etc., to improve the cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument or clearly stating to what extent you agree or disagree. Providing a more balanced discussion or a clearer stance can enhance your task achievement.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This helps in demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic and strengthens your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, including subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Careful proofreading can help in minimizing such errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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