IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that humans can use animals for their benefits. Others believe that this practice is wrong. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #humans #animals #practice
An ongoing debate regarding utilizing
animals
 for the benefit of mankind is heating. Some believe that
such
 practice is inhumane
while
 others
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that it is beneficial to optimize them.
While
 both arguments have some merits to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, I strongly believe that it is perfectly fine to engage in that particular activity. On one side of the spectrum, it is argued that using
animals
 as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 is considered to be cruel because of the harm it may
caused
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 to the creatures. To some extent,
this
 is true given that human
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 can cause pain and suffering.
For example
,
while
 butchering meat is highly profitable and useful, the animal will have to be killed, reducing their lifespan and
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
.
Furthermore
, it is often argued that there are other ways to exert the same benefits,
such
 as eating plants and vegetables
instead
 of
beefs
Change the wording
beef
kinds of beef
slices of beef
portions of beef
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some thought that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no other option than to optimize the usage of
animals
.
as
Capitalize word
As
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 long as there are
consideration
Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
show examples
 before doing
such
 things, the pain can be minimized.
For instance
, before butchering
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cattle, it is recommended to inject a seductive drug in order to remove all of the nerves that can cause despair. I strongly believe in
this
 practice
due to
 the lack of alternatives that are available. One bright example is the usage of goose
feather
Fix the agreement mistake
feathers
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
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 craft jackets, it is the most effective way for men and women to keep their heat in the middle of the winter.
While
 there are other options
such
 as using linens, it would not be as warm as the original piece of clothing.
To conclude
, I believe that the benefits outweigh the negative aspects of including
animals
 to enhance our daily activities. With a depth consideration, the anguish felt by the creatures can be removed.
Submitted by satimanb on

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding upon your examples by providing more detailed instances or real-world scenarios that illustrate your points more vividly. This could help make your arguments more convincing and tangible.
Coherence & Cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, try to ensure smoother transitions between your paragraphs. Using linking phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the contrary,' can help guide the reader through your essay more fluidly.
General
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