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Band 4

nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and trearments instead of visiting their doctors.do think this is a positive or negative dvelopment?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #trearments #doctors #dvelopment
Conventional medicine is being replaced with alternative medicine by some people.
While
 there are plenty of bright sides regarding
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of treatments, there are
also
 complications surrounding
this
 approach. Looking at the positive sides of
this
 method
first,
with
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 of other kinds of
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
such
 as
homeopathy
Change the spelling
homoeopathy
show examples
, using herbal medicine and
acupancture
Correct your spelling
acupuncture
 the long queues behind the doctors' offices have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined. Individuals trust to old treatments that their grandmothers
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 them as they are not only
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
 but
also
 convenient.
Furthermore
, there is no need any longer, for alleviating
ailment
Correct article usage
the ailment
show examples
 of
back
Correct article usage
the back
show examples
 to be undergone of surgery because trained individuals called chiropractic by massaging the hurting spot,
reduce
Correct word choice
and reduce
show examples
 the pain without putting any scars. Turning to the dark sides of
this
 phenomenon,
firstly
 we can safely say that the consequences of using them are not neither assessed nor even considered. These days, anybody claims to know a new way to treat the
paitients
Correct your spelling
patients
 and who knows whether it would be effective or not.
Secondly
, these fake doctors do not have any licences or any registered union until
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hurt patient by their treatment could bring a prosecution against them.
The
Correct article usage
Last
show examples
last
 but not least, it could be there is a risk of running out of golden time for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 could have cured.
To conclude
,
although
 some people have been healed by
this
 approach, trusting them when seems to be reasonable that we are disappointed by real conventionalists;
otherwise
, trusting them might
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
show examples
 in irrecoverable complications.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical accuracy throughout your essay. Errors such as 'acupancture' (acupuncture), 'availabe' (available), and misuse of plural and singular forms can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion Structure
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should more clearly state the topic and your stance on it, while your conclusion should succinctly summarize your arguments and reiterate your viewpoint.
Essay Structure
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by more clearly organizing paragraphs around main ideas, and explicitly stating how each example supports your argument. Transition words can help improve the flow between sections.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses the prompt. Gar more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points. Ensure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the flow and connectivity of ideas within and between paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices and make sure paragraphs are well-developed around a single theme.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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