IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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There are many people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that
art
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classes
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 are as important as other subjects for children to scrutinize so it should be compulsory in high schools. I agree with the above opinion. Admittedly,
art
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classes
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 play a significant role in the development of juveniles.
Firstly
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,
art
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classes
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,
such
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 as painting and drawing, can cultivate
students
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’ imagination and patience.
For example
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, when
students
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 paint, they need to imagine what they want to paint first in their brain and paint it patiently. As we all know, imagination
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 improve children’s creativity which is very important to their future jobs, and patience can help them reduce
the
Change the word
their
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 anxiety when they face plenty of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
Secondly
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,
art
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classes
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 provide a wide range of subjects that
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
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students
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 to acquire different academic knowledge and explore their potential abilities by themselves.
However
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,
art
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 does not necessarily need to be compulsory. First of all, some
students
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 are not interested in
art
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classes
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, and they have a clear plan for the future with little connection to
art
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. In
this
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 case,
art
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classes
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 will definitely be a waste of time and money as these
classes
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 could bring little help to promote their career prospects like other
students
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.
Additionally
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, being already stressful enough when facing ordinary subjects
besides
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art
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,
students
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 may find the study tasks are beyond their capacities and the efficiency of learning will reduce.
Furthermore
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,
art
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classes
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 may increase the economic burden for some
students
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 who come from impoverished families, because these
art
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classes
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 usually require all kinds of equipment. In a nutshell, there is no doubt that
art
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classes
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 do bring a lot of benefits to
students
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, but every student should have the right to choose whether
study
Fix the infinitive
to study
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art
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 or not
according to
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 their real conditions.

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task achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the prompt. However, the example provided could be more specific and detailed. Try to include more real-world examples or empirical evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which aids in presenting your argument effectively. Ensure that all your points are logically structured within the paragraphs to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have demonstrated good use of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. However, there is room for improvement in creating smoother transitions between some of the sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, providing arguments for both sides before arriving at a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with a definite introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases helps in connecting your ideas and maintaining the flow of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • emotional wellbeing
  • mental health
  • fine motor skills
  • eye-hand coordination
  • self-expression
  • self-esteem
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusivity
  • academic performance
  • artistic activities
  • complement
  • enhance learning
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