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Band 5

It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#clothes #lots
It is believed by some that buying a few expensive
clothes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more appropriate than buying less expensive
clothes
. In my view, I completely disagree with
this
 statement as cheaper
clothes
 have the ability to make
someone
 look fashionable
as well as
 giving them the option of buying more outfits for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 value
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
money
. In light of the above, dressing up in expensive designer wear would not always make a person look more stylish.
In other words
, these
clothes
 are expensive because of their brand name
while
 they are manufactured in developing countries for cheap labour. Despite paying thumping amounts of
money
 for a brand,
someone
 could buy a similar kind of dress or
suite
Correct your spelling
suit
show examples
 from a department store not only for a better price but
also
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
clothes
 with much variety than buying just one expensive wear.
For example
, my aunt used to buy designer wear from a branded store for $ 5000 and after a week she saw the same dress for $ 1000 in a department store in Burnaby.
This
 motivated her to buy less expensive but more
clothes
 to update her wardrobe.
Moreover
, when buying a few expensive
clothes
,
someone
 can only wear
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for a short
period
 of
period
.
That is
 to say, no individual can wear the same set of
clothes
 continuously.
Therefore
, they will have to spend more
money
 to buy expensive
clothes
 again which will be costly for an average income earner.
This
 is why buying
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of cheaper
clothes
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 more useful as they can be worn over a long
period
 of time
while
 the individual saves more
money
while
 becoming fashionable with a wide
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of
clothes
. In conclusion, I am with the view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is wise to buy a lot of cheaper
clothes
 than expensive
clothes
 as it will help to save
money
as well as
 it will
also
 help
someone
 to buy a
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of
clothes
 to wear for a long
period
 of time.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay, consistently supporting your viewpoint with appropriate examples. While you've done this well, further strengthen your argument by exploring contrasting opinions before refuting them with your evidence.
Language Use
Work on improving the complexity of your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing. Incorporating a wider range of grammatical structures and vocabulary can make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the essay's overall coherence. To enhance cohesion between ideas, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to clearly show the connections between paragraphs and within them.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • long-lasting
  • cost-per-wear
  • economical
  • investing
  • ethical manufacturing
  • transparent
  • exclusivity
  • designs
  • mass-produced
  • accessibility
  • budget
  • fast fashion
  • trends
  • maintenance
  • dry cleaning
  • social status
  • psychological implications
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