IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that technology has made maan more sociable. To what extent do you agree ar diagree.

#people #technology #maan #ar #diagree
It is true that
technology
 has flourished by leaps and bounds around the
world
,
as a result
, it assists
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 become more sociable and
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
their's
Change noun form
their
show examples
 social connections through
technology
 devices. I strongly agree with
this
 statement because it is easy to access
as well as
 it avoids geographical barriers.
This
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with,
technology
 devices can
easy
Add a missing verb
be easy
show examples
 to access without any charges to around the
world
, so individuals
whoa
Correct your spelling
who
show examples
 far away from their loved ones
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have a chance to connect and continue their relationship through video calling apps.
This
 means
people
's communication and connection would not stop whether they are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a long distances.
For example
, individuals who study and work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can know about their family member's everyday activities without being
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 under the roof
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the Internet. Needless to say, the Internet assists to
people
 become
more close
Replace the words
closer
show examples
 even if stay
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a long distances
Correct the article-noun agreement
long distances
a long distance
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
technology
 can reduce the geographical barriers to the population and they can share, comment and post their personal matters to others.
This
 means any person can interact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a person who lives in other parts of the
world
 without knowing.
For instance
, Facebook and X social media platforms can assist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 express their
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view. Not only it
connects
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 but
also
 it improves humans' social connections and
interaction
Fix the agreement mistake
interactions
show examples
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
virtually. Needless to say,
this
 helps to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others without getting
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
shy and
nurvius
Correct your spelling
nervous
 who are introverted. In conclusion,
technology
 helps
to
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 become more sociable. It connects
people
 from other parts of the
world
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it enhances
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 communication effectively through social media and the Internet.
Therefore
, I completely agree with
this
 statement
technology
 helps
to
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
 become more sociable.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and structured presentation of ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a concise thesis statement in the introduction to clearly present your viewpoint. Conclude with a summary of your main points and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples. Even though you mentioned the use of technology for communication, providing more detailed and varied examples would enrich your essay.
task achievement
Review grammatical accuracy and range. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'it assists to human,' 'become more close') that hinder clarity. Practicing complex grammatical structures and proofreading would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Expand and diversify your vocabulary. Avoid repetitive language and strive to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: