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The availability of forms of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and the society in which they live. Do you agree and disagree?

#availability #forms #entertainment #video #games #devices #individuals #society
The ubiquity of
video
 games is undeniable, especially in the form of handheld
devices
.
However
, it has sparked heated controversies many people claim that
this
 kind of entertainment can harm individuals and the society in which they live. From my perspective, I agree with some reasons below. On the one hand, when people have to solve many tasks in school or the workplace, they are under pressure.
Then
, using
video
 games on handheld
devices
 is inevitable and we can balance our lives between entertainment and work. We can control the time we spend on
this
 which does not bring negative impacts on health.
In addition
, these
devices
 are portable in order to bring through travelling or camping which is convenient for households. These
devices
 may be a funny and versatile game for
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
However
, it
also
 brings detrimental parts to our daily lives.
First,
we can see apparently the eye problems it leads to
such
 as Myopia, red eyes,...
due to
 its handy size and portability. If we are addicted to these
devices
, we easily get long-term health issues and sedentary lifestyles.
As a consequence
, being unable to concentrate on work may occur, which includes deprivation, stress, mood disorder,...
Besides
, the mass production of these
video
 game handheld
devices
 has demerit points in the environment. In detail, plastics and batteries in these cutting-edge
devices
 are hard to degradable in a short period and release into the environment an amount of toxic air pollutants if we try to burn them to get a higher degradable process.
As a result
, humans are the culprits, and
also
 the victims. In conclusion, even though these gadgets are versatile for our daily lives
due to
 their convenience and modernity. I am of the opinion that
video
 game handheld
devices
 bring more drawbacks because of their bad effects on health and the environment .
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure your essay fully addresses all aspects of the task. Consider both sides of the argument more equally and develop your points with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on linking ideas more smoothly and logically from one to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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