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Band 5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
Nowadays,
education
 has become more important than vocational training in some countries.
Overall
, some families tend to teach their children to the
last
 stage of
education
 and prefer that for them
instead
 of vocational training,
therefore
. I personally believe that there should be a balance between the two things,
therefore
,
this
 essay will be explained
further
 in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,it seems that with the passing of time,most
people
 prefer
education
 more to vocational training because they are considered
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to college or university to study to have more career future than any other approach,
wherefore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, to start with the most significant reason it is that higher
education
 provides beautiful lifestyle to be more specific, on the job side after academic study, presence or impact is powerful in communication,
likewise
, the trust is higher among
people
.
for instance
, in my
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 I see some families force their children to complete their studies and go to university because they find it better for them. Generally, most
people
 see going to university for academic study
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reasonable solution
instead
 of other options.
On the other hand
, some
people
 have tendencies to vocational training
such
 as electricians or plumbers, wherefore, I see that providing centres
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
show examples
 them to develop and improving these talents is a more effective solution,
for instance
, in my city there are those who encouraged to do the handwork. Generally, Everyone has a tendency that must be followed and develop his skills, whether mental or hand.
To sum up
,in my opinion, I tend to agree with
this
 statement
also
 I see should proving centres to develop vocational training and put Financial bodies to encourage them to continue.
Submitted by sesjej1330 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response score, ensure your essay thoroughly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Elaborate on the reasons why more people should or should not be encouraged to pursue vocational training, and support your arguments with clear, specific examples. Without strong, relevant examples, your argument may seem less convincing.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more logically. Start with an introduction that clearly states your stance. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that supports your overall position. Transition smoothly between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, revising for grammatical accuracy and varying sentence structures can make your essay more cohesive and readable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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