STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Scientific observations in many countries conclude that the rate of
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
is lower among people with higher educational
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
.
Moreover
, there is a suitable option to tackle
this
problem
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
giving prisoners some learning to educate them
while
they are in jail.
This
essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
that statement following with some highlighted key points. First of all, everyone who already
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
a higher level of education
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
to think
logic
Change the word
logically
show examples
and
rational
Change the word
rationally
show examples
in terms of natural behaviour because they can distinguish between wrong and right actions. They
accustomed
Add a missing verb
are accustomed
show examples
to
take
Verb problem
making
show examples
their own decisions to prevent
some criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
, which is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
example of bad attitudes. To highlight
this
point, Indonesia is the country that
schedule
Change the verb form
schedules
show examples
additional
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
for their prisoners to participate in "basic manner and attitudes" courses. In
this
class, experts are invited by the police to teach them how to choose and stick
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
appropriate personalities in their lives. Eventually, it will help them to avoid wicked
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
while
One reason why
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
is because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic motivation. The majority of suspected are having
unstable
Add an article
an unstable
show examples
economy and unable to find a way to solve
this
bottleneck. They are
trap
Wrong verb form
trapped
show examples
and choose to do evil actions,
such
as
stole
Change the form of the verb
stealing
show examples
a bank to survive their lives. Person in crime should be taught new skills
how
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on how
show examples
to create
a simple products
Correct the article-noun agreement
a simple product
simple products
show examples
, so they have many choices to gain their income
while
returning to their home.
For example
, at the weekend, police officers schedule
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dedicated soft skills classes for everyone to produce handmade items. Their crafts could be sold to increase their salary and they are unwilling to do criminal again.
To conclude
this
, education materials in prison should be
emphasis
Add an article
an emphasis
show examples
on behaviour
acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
show examples
and enhance
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
show examples
of soft skills. They should have suitable personalities and extra competence to improve their lives and prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminal actions.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on your agreement or disagreement with the proposition by providing more nuanced arguments and considering multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
Increase the clarity of your comprehensive ideas. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea supported by relevant details. Avoid generalizations and ensure your ideas progress logically to support your thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a more organized essay structure. Start with a clear introduction, follow with body paragraphs each dedicated to a single main point, and conclude with a summary that reaffirms your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay demonstrates some logical progression, greater use of connectors and transition phrases could enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Support each of your main points with detailed and specific examples. While you have provided some examples, further elaboration and specificity can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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