STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
Scientific observations in many countries conclude that the rate of
criminal
is lower among people with higher educational Replace the word
crime
degree
. Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
Moreover
, there is a suitable option to tackle this
problem through
giving prisoners some learning to educate them Change preposition
by
while
they are in jail. This
essay agree
Change the verb form
agrees
about
that statement following with some highlighted key points.
First of all, everyone who already Change preposition
with
take
a higher level of education Change the verb form
takes
have
Change the verb form
has
tendency
to think Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
logic
and Change the word
logically
rational
in terms of natural behaviour because they can distinguish between wrong and right actions. They Change the word
rationally
accustomed
to Add a missing verb
are accustomed
take
their own decisions to prevent Verb problem
making
some criminal
, which is Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
the
example of bad attitudes. To highlight Correct article usage
an
this
point, Indonesia is the country that schedule
additional Change the verb form
schedules
class
for their prisoners to participate in "basic manner and attitudes" courses. In Fix the agreement mistake
classes
this
class, experts are invited by the police to teach them how to choose and stick on
appropriate personalities in their lives. Eventually, it will help them to avoid wicked Change preposition
to
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
while
One reason why criminal
Replace the word
crime
happened
is because of Wrong verb form
happens
the
economic motivation. The majority of suspected are having Correct article usage
apply
unstable
economy and unable to find a way to solve Add an article
an unstable
this
bottleneck. They are trap
and choose to do evil actions, Wrong verb form
trapped
such
as stole
a bank to survive their lives. Person in crime should be taught new skills Change the form of the verb
stealing
how
to create Change preposition
on how
a simple products
, so they have many choices to gain their income Correct the article-noun agreement
a simple product
simple products
while
returning to their home. For example
, at the weekend, police officers schedule a
dedicated soft skills classes for everyone to produce handmade items. Their crafts could be sold to increase their salary and they are unwilling to do criminal again.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
this
, education materials in prison should be emphasis
on behaviour Add an article
an emphasis
acknowledgment
and enhance Change the spelling
acknowledgement
myriad
of soft skills. They should have suitable personalities and extra competence to improve their lives and prevent Add an article
a myriad
from
criminal actions.Change preposition
apply
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on your agreement or disagreement with the proposition by providing more nuanced arguments and considering multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
Increase the clarity of your comprehensive ideas. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea supported by relevant details. Avoid generalizations and ensure your ideas progress logically to support your thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating a more organized essay structure. Start with a clear introduction, follow with body paragraphs each dedicated to a single main point, and conclude with a summary that reaffirms your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay demonstrates some logical progression, greater use of connectors and transition phrases could enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Support each of your main points with detailed and specific examples. While you have provided some examples, further elaboration and specificity can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?