IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people’s freedoms. Do you agree or disagree

#government #ban #places #people’s #freedoms
Smoking is one of the major problems facing
people
 and governments around the world. Some
people
 think that
should
Correct article usage
the should
show examples
 government be stuck to ban smoking in all public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, even if that will conflict with the freedom of individuals. I would agree with
this
 statement, the government should control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking inside public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of many
people
 around the world,
add of
Verb problem
In
show examples
 that, the
impact
 will affect
people
 who do not smoke because
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
 near
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
 person, that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 governments should ban smoking in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to save
people
do not
Verb problem
from
show examples
smoke
Replace the word
smoking
show examples
 and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 smoking in the total.
Furthermore
, public
place
is use
Change the verb form
is used
show examples
 by all segments of society, when young
people
 see other
people
 smoking may be affected by smoking person and think of trying to
be smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
.
In addition
, by ban smoking in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 will
let
Verb problem
make
show examples
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 clean and air fresh what will Which reflects on the beauty of the
place
.
On the other hand
, there are several issues
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
affect
smoking
Add an article
the smoking
a smoking
show examples
 person and restrict
people
's freedoms.
People
 have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to do whatever want without
impact
Wrong verb form
impacting
show examples
 of freedoms.
In addition
, public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 normally will be open
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 so the
impact
 of smoking
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
people
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there will be
very
Rephrase
much
show examples
 less dependent on
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
 of smoke will not remain in the
area
.
For example
.
public
Add an article
the public
a public
show examples
 park is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
area
 where can
people
smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
show examples
 in
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
To conclude
, I believe
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
freedoms
Fix the agreement mistake
freedom
show examples
 of
people
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choose to want to do, but should governments play an important role
to control
Change preposition
in controlling
show examples
 smoking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places.
Submitted by Abdullah on

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task achievement
Ensure you accurately address the task by fully responding to the question; consider both sides of the argument more deeply before stating your own position.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the organisation of your ideas by using clearer paragraph structures and more effective linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and deeper analysis to strengthen your argument and make your response more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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