Some people think that consumerism can boost the economy and create business and jobs. Others consider that society becomes a ‘ throw-away society’ producing unnecessary waste. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
argue that the majority of consumption can contribute to
an
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economic growth and create more employment opportunities,
while
the opponents of
this
concept take the view that producing unnecessary waste can result in a throw-away society.
Although
consumerism can help the growth of
economy
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the economy
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and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
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more job places, I believe that
overconsumption
has detrimental effects on
the
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society and the environment.  On the
one
hand, most
people
consider that the economy can be enhanced on a significant scale by consuming more products. If
people
purchase more items and things from any
markets
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market
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, it can result in more revenue. In
this
way, businesses can widen their chains to the whole area, maybe to the all country.
For instance
, in my city,
one
shop, "Al
market
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Market
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", has drawn
the
Correct article usage
a
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significant number of consumers.
Hence
, after gaining
the
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a
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significant amount of money, the boss of
this
shop has decided to create chains, and in
this
way, they offered more employment opportunities for
people
.
On the other hand
, some consider that
overconsumption
is indeed more harmful
for
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to
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both the community and the nature. If
overconsumption
is observed in
one
certain area, it means that a glut of products will be thrown to
streets
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the streets
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because not all of them might be necessary items for
the
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use.
Moreover
, it can lead to a reduction in natural demands. Take Madrid as an example. In
one
year, the consumption of some products has increased on a considerable scale, and it has ended with a dearth of main sources, including food, water, and other things. In conclusion,
while
the
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production growth can be beneficial for businesses in terms of boosting the economy and generating more employment places, I consider that the potential drawbacks of
overconsumption
such
as a reduction in the number of essential living demands cannot be ignored.
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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, ensure that your essay directly responds to all aspects of the prompt. Consider comparing the views more directly and elaborating on how each view impacts society differently.
Coherence & Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, try linking your main ideas more explicitly back to the thesis throughout the body of the essay. Use a variety of transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of your ideas.
Linguistic Range
Integrate more varied and complex sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your arguments. This will not only make your essay more engaging but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
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