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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010. (pounds sterling)

The bar chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010. (pounds sterling)
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The bar chart highlights data about
money
Use synonyms
 which was spent on several consumer goods in the
UK
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 and
France
Use synonyms
 in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, what stands out from the bar chart is that the
British
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 spent more
money
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 on consumer goods than
France
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 in the period given. Both the
British
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 and the French spent most of their
money
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 on cars ,
whereas
Linking Words
money
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 which was spent on perfume
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 the least in the
UK
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 compared to cameras in
France
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. In terms of cars, people in the
UK
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 spent just about £450,000 on
this
Linking Words
 as opposed to the French who spent £400,000. The
British
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 spent more
money
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 on books than the French around £400,000 and £300,000 respectively. In the
UK
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, pay for cameras which was just over £350,000 was double that of
France
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, which accounted for only £150,000.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
money
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 spent on the other goods was higher in
France
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. Above £350,000 was spent by the French on computers which was steadily more than the
British
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 who spent exactly £350,000. Neither of the countries spent much on perfume which accounted for £200,000 of expenditure in
France
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 but above £150,000 in the
UK
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, uk, france, british with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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