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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The number of multicultural cities is increasing due to globalisation. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#cities #globalisation #development
There is no different type of objective
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
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 that
this
statement
 about multicultural cities is prevalent in our reality because of its importance. Most
people
 agree with
this
statement
 because of its many benefits. Some of the
people
 highlight its
disadvantages
. I would like to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
advantages
 and the
disadvantages
 in my next paragraphs the same. Describe different types of
advantages
 I would like to mention the first and foremost
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 which is when cities become multicultural It is
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
people
 easier communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other than other because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they can be informed about their cultural manners.
Another
Replace the adjective
Another advantage
Other advantages
show examples
advantages
 that might come to mind of
people
 might be it is educational
advantages
. So, there are many different types of
advantages
 that we can describe now but I would like to discuss my next paragraph. On its darker
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 there are some
disadvantages
 that make it problematic and worrying, I would like to highlight two
disadvantages
. First is that multicultural cities change the national culture of the
people
.
Second,
there are
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of different types of conflicts. I think there are many shortcomings of
this
 kind and we can talk about
this
statement
 all the time. Now I want to speak about my
concluding
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
. Concluding the above
statement
, neither its negative nor the positive sides can be ignored. In my opinion, the positive and the negative sides are mixed processes in our life that follow each other and they should be considered more generalized.
Therefore
, I
remine
Correct your spelling
remain
remind
 of the opinion that it is
non necessary
Add a hyphen
non-necessary
show examples
 to ignore the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 and to outline their impact in reality.
Submitted by zohrab-gevorgyan on

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task response
Introduce your essay with a clear statement of your position regarding the topic. It helps to guide your reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing effectively to organize your essay. Start with an introduction, follow with body paragraphs, each addressing a single point, and conclude your essay summarizing your argument and stating your position clearly.
task response
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. It makes your argument more convincing and adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Simple, clear sentences are often more effective than complex ones that may confuse the reader.
task response
Consider both sides of the argument, but make sure to state clearly your own position and why you believe its advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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