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Band 6

The growth of online shopping will lead to the day when all offline shops will disappear. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#growth #offline #shops
Many
people
 think that spreading of the shopping through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 may affect shopping in city malls
whereas
 others don’t believe so. I partly agree and In what follows I explain my point of view. On the
one
hand
, it could happen because of the fast spreading of the
internet
. More and more
people
 in the near future will probably have an opportunity to get the
internet
.
Hence
, it will make buying of the stuff from the websites easier. And I guess,
people
 will take these opportunities.
On the other
hand
, spending time and socializing are still
one
 of the important things in
people
’s lives. Many of them prefer spending time going to some city malls talking to each other getting some rumours and so on.
For
this
 reason,
offline
 shopping as a big part of
lives
Correct pronoun usage
our lives
show examples
 won’t disappear at all.
Moreover
one
 of the pros of
offline
 shopping is that you can feel anything you want to buy. Interaction is
also
 a big deal for many
people
. Thanks to
this
 you can choose more high-quality and comfortable stuff for yourself. It means not only the appearance of the thing is important but
also
 the quality and nice feel. So
that is
 why
offline
 shopping will be alive. In conclusion on the
one
hand
 developing and wide spreading of the
internet
 may reduce using
offline
 shopping but still
on the other
hand
 there are
people
 who probably would prefer shopping online for many reasons
such
 as socializing and
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
show examples
 to
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
show examples
 with stuff they buy
Submitted by agapitovark on

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Task Achievement
To improve the task response, ensure that your essay directly answers the question from the very beginning, stating clearly if you agree or disagree with the given statement. Expand on your ideas with more detailed and varied examples to reinforce your point of view.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical progression of your ideas. Aim for a smooth flow by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow. Additionally, ensure the consistency of your argument throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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