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Band 5

Some people feel that music should be taught in school while others believe it is better to focus on the sciences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #music #school #focus #sciences
There is no different type of objective fact that
this
statement
 about some
people
agree
Wrong verb form
agreeing
show examples
 that music should be taught in school is prevalent in our reality because of its importance. Most
people
 agree with
this
statement
 because of its many benefits. Some of the
people
 highlight its
disadvantages
. I would like to discuss the
advantages
 and the
disadvantages
 in my next paragraphs the same. Describe different types of
advantages
 I would like to mention the first and foremost advantage which is the chance for children to study music. Another advantage that might come to mind
people
 might be chance that children can become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
. So, there are many different types of
advantages
 that we can describe now but I would like to discuss my next paragraph. On its darker side, there are some
disadvantages
 that make it problematic and worrying, I would like to highlight two
disadvantages
. First is that it might be
educational
Add an article
an educational
show examples
 problem for the sciences.
Second,
there are causes of different types of other problems for many economics. I think there are many shortcomings of
this
 kind and we can talk about
this
statement
 all the time. Now I want to speak about my conclusion. Concluding the above
statement
, neither its negative nor the positive sides can be ignored. In my opinion, the positive and the negative sides are mixed processes in our life that follow each other and they should be considered more generalized.
Therefore
, I remain of the opinion that it is not necessary to ignore the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 and to outline their impact in reality
Submitted by zohrab-gevorgyan on

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task achievement
Focus on clearly presenting your viewpoint and discussing both views in a balanced manner. Make sure to directly answer the question prompt.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. Vague statements weaken your essay's effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's organization by using clear topic sentences and cohesive devices (e.g., however, therefore, firstly) to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clear introduction that outlines the essay's structure and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and your stance.
coherence cohesion
Improve your logical argumentation by presenting ideas systematically and ensuring each paragraph contains a single, clear main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • emotional intelligence
  • cultural awareness
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • technology-driven future
  • critical thinking skills
  • logical approach
  • problem-solving
  • innovation
  • competitiveness
  • global market
  • science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM)
  • economic growth
  • scientific advancements
  • holistic development
  • adaptable
  • resilient
  • thriving
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