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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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In the contemporary world, the controversy surrounding the necessity of
children
's
punishment
 is a prominent topic. It is commonly believed that
punishment
 is a suitable way for
children
 to differentiate between good and bad. From my perspective,
motivation
 should be granted the same importance as
punishment
, as both should equally contribute to the
development
 of a child at a very young age.
However
, some boundaries should be implemented by authorities to ensure the avoidance of severe actions.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that
motivation
 and penalty are two crucial factors in
children
's personal
development
.
While
motivation
 focuses on rewarding desired behaviours and reinforcing positive actions,
punishment
 involves imposing negative consequences for wrong actions. In
this
 way, a child learns and makes an effort to understand the boundaries and consequences of each right and wrong action. In order to reach
this
 goal, parental guidance and teacher supervision are required.
On the other hand
, when it comes to the types of punishments that parents and teachers can use to teach good behaviours, it is important to prioritize methods that are safe, fair, and appropriate for the child's age and
development
. To be more precise, physical and emotional abuse should never be used as a form of
punishment
.
Instead
, techniques
such
 as time-outs and loss of privileges may be considered.
For instance
, parents could restrict the usage of technological devices,
such
 as computers and cellphones, or social media, or
children
 cannot stay outside with their friends unless they accomplish all their homework.
In addition
, teachers
also
 can implement community service for those who have no respect and empathy. In conclusion,
motivation
as well as
punishment
, both have some positive influence on
children
's
development
.
Thus
, parents and teachers should hold a balance between these two aspects for the optimum benefits they bring to society.
Submitted by Nastaran_zandy on

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task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support the points made. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a clearer logical progression between paragraphs. Although the essay is mostly cohesive, the transition between the paragraphs could be smoother to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion and a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The argument is well-structured, with a balanced discussion of both motivation and punishment as tools for teaching children the difference between right and wrong.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt by discussing the necessity of punishment and suggesting appropriate types of punishment for children.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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