Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, While others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Undoubtedly,
females
play vital roles in controlling crime or protecting against enemies in each country.
However
, some individuals think that
women
are not capable of being members of the military or
police
force
. I personally think that their roles in these sectors are definitely crucial. On the one hand, some believe that
females
must not be given to
work
in the
police
force
or
army
. One reason behind it is that
women
have less physical abilities than
men
. Having genetic issues,
women
have less strong hormones as well and they are less capable of achieving their goals.
For example
,
men
can able to hold more than 60 to 70 kg of weight simultaneously than
women
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is why
men
have greater energy to arrest criminals, but
women
are not successful
men
.
In addition
,
females
are emotionally vulnerable that's why they might not tolerate difficult situations,
such
as terrible collisions or fatal accidents.
Therefore
,
men
have better potential not only physically but
also
mentally to
work
in the
police
or
army
force
.
On the other hand
, I personally think that
women
have a key role in the
police
or
army
force
and the same right to
work
in these positions. One factor behind it is that
men
in the
police
or
army
force
do not have the right to touch on
women
criminals,
for
this
reason,
women
need to join the military or
police
force
.
For instance
,
females
can able to think critically and solve intricate problems which is why their roles are important in those societies where males are restricted from touching
females
.
In particular
, the united arab emirates government imposed a rule for
men
that they have no right to touch
women
.
Thus
, the government ought to give
women
the same opportunity to
work
in the
police
or
army
force
. In conclusion, I firmly agree with those who believe that
women
have the same opportunity to
work
in the
police
or military
force
. From my point of view, if the government give the same fortune to
females
who are willing to do forced jobs, it would be great for the country to reduce
women
criminals.
Submitted by belmontsy01 on

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task response
Ensure your arguments are consistently clear and well-supported. Although the essay presents valid points, some ideas could be expanded further. For instance, the emotional vulnerability of women was mentioned but not elaborated on in depth.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. The structure is mostly logical, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. Occasionally, sentences drift off-topic, disrupting the overall coherence.
task response
The essay addresses both perspectives of the debate and provides a clear opinion, which effectively completes the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in following the argument.
task response
Relevant examples are used to support the arguments, such as the UAE law and the physical comparison between men and women, making your points more convincing.

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