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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.
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The provided table depicts the number of male and female workers and workplaces in England and Wales. The data is provided from
Use synonyms
Change the article
the year
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1851 to 1901.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 significant growth is seen in the number of
factories
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
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 1861.
However
Linking Words
,
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
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declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
employees
Use synonyms
 is seen
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the table. looking at the table in detail,
therewere
Correct your spelling
there were
 about 477,100 total
employees
Use synonyms
 working in 225 different
factories
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1851. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1861, 131,780 male
employees
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 were performing their work in 227 companies compared to 160,000 females.
However
Linking Words
, 80,123 and 76,132 male
employees
Use synonyms
 used to work in
Use synonyms
Change the article
the year
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1871 and 1881 respectively.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 60,000 and 50,000 females were working in 622 and 721 companies according in the Same
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
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.
Analyzingthe
Correct your spelling
Analyzing
 chart
further
Linking Words
, 65,000 males and 40,000 females
completing
Wrong verb form
completed
show examples
 their
in
Change preposition
apply
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tasks in 625 different
factories
Use synonyms
 in
year
Use synonyms
 ge
factories
Use synonyms
 in
year
Use synonyms
 1891. It is apparent that 61,000 total
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
 were used to work in various 600 firms. Out of
them
Add a comma
them,
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 31,000 were males.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, factories, employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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