IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. what problems could this situation cause? what solutions you can suggest?

#people #jobs #situation
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In the modern world, many
employees
Use synonyms
 have to compete with young people in the same jobs. Younger
employees
Use synonyms
 are promoted
while
Linking Words
 older
employees
Use synonyms
 are overlooked.
This
Linking Words
 majority is caused by a lack of adaptive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and
technology
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.
However
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, there are numerous solutions.
For example
Linking Words
, building teamwork, and improving their
knowledge
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 should be implemented to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
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 with, many companies pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 younger
employees
Use synonyms
 more than older
employees
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.
Because
Add the preposition
Because of
show examples
 their interest in
improvement
Replace the word
improving
show examples
company
Correct article usage
the company
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by
Change preposition
through
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 older
employees
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 have difficulties
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
understanding new innovations. But younger can do it.
In addition
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, they believe that younger has enthusiasm than older. Because younger less
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and they like to try new experiences. One of the best of younger is rapidly working.
Becuase
Correct your spelling
Because
integrate
Change the verb form
integrates
show examples
work flow
Correct your spelling
workflow
show examples
 with new
technology
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.
For example
Linking Words
, Using ChatGPT
for
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to
show examples
 summarize
presentation
Correct article usage
the presentation
show examples
.
Consequently
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, leading to increases in unemployment for aged people. As a piece of evidence, job applications nowadays often require specific age groups.
Besides
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, organizations consider that
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 and health of a senior would negatively influence work performance and productivity. There are many solutions to
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this competitions
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this competition
these competitions
show examples
 in workplaces.
Firstly
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 employer should
balanced
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balance
show examples
 their
knowledge
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 in the groups of workers.
such
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 as their age.
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Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 should improve employee
technology
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
. Because it can reduce
gap
Add an article
the gap
show examples
 between
work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 efficiency of younger and older.
Moreover
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,
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mentorships programs
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 develop new
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 of working.
For instance
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, assign
youger
Correct your spelling
younger
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 with low experience to
older
Add an article
the older
an older
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 not have
technology
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
.For the majority solutions government section should participate with people
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 offer their new information and continuous learning.
Submitted by kungslowjam on

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Introduction
Focus on presenting a clear introduction that outlines your essay's argument. This will help engage the reader and clarify what is to follow.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points more thoroughly. Each argument you present should be followed by detailed evidence or examples to strengthen your essay.
Complete Response
Make sure to address all parts of the task. The question asks about problems and solutions, so ensure each is clearly discussed with equal detail.
Logical Structure
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more cohesive devices and transition words. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Introduction/Conclusion Presence
Refine your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating how they address the essay question. Provide a clear ending to your discussion.
Relevant/Specific Examples
Use specific examples to support your arguments. Generic statements should be minimized in favor of concrete evidence or examples that illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Technological adeptness
  • Job stress
  • Job insecurity
  • Knowledge gap
  • Institutional knowledge
  • Mentorship programs
  • Collaborative culture
  • Continuous learning
  • Professional development
  • Industry trends
  • Tax credits
  • Subsidies
  • Balanced work culture
  • Fair hiring practices
What to do next:
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