IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some ways. Why is this? Do you think it is a possitive or nagative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #possitive #nagative #development
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From dawn of the time, companies have introduced their products in different ways. There is a widely held view that in today’s climate, businesses tend to show the
fact
Use synonyms
 that they have produced their products in a new way which has psychological effects on customers, and I believe does bring more harm than benefit. The main justification why in advertisements companies emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
fact
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 that they have used a new manner is
this
Linking Words
 method can motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to buy that product in order to test it.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals would be curious about the differences which the new method of production
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 made. An illustration of
this
Linking Words
fact
Use synonyms
 is an American company which claimed we have used a high-tech procedure to produce detergent materials which
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
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 in
to be
Change the verb form
being
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 the bestselling cleaning material of the year. Another explanation is the
fact
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 think newer ways, would have more merits. They think
impelenting
Correct your spelling
implementing
 a new way
in
Change preposition
of
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 producing, would almost result in better quality. I find myself among
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 believe that it is a bad trend since it can lead
people
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 to buy unnecessary items which is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of money.
For example
Linking Words
, a person may have a phone which is perfect for daily usage,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
but
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 he would be dissatisfied since it does not have the latest options.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should monitor tightly the advertisement not to
temp
Correct your spelling
tempt
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people
Use synonyms
 to buy useless products. What can be concluded from the discussion revolving around the company’s advertisement is I do believe that it can bring pitfalls to society.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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task response
Ensure that you address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Your essay touches on the reasons businesses emphasize new production methods and its impact, but it could further explore the positive aspects to provide a balanced view.
task response
Develop your ideas more fully with precise examples. While the essay mentions a generic American company and its detergent product, more specific, real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating more logically structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be supported by detailed examples or arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Consider revisiting the introduction and conclusion. While present, they could be more impactful by clearly summarizing the essay's main points and the writer's stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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