Parents are encouraging their children to spend an increasing amount of time on tablets and screens because they think it will improve their technological skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Due to
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Correct article usage
the advanacement
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advanacement
Correct your spelling
advancement
advancements
of
technology
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,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, guardians are
supportings
Correct your spelling
supporting
adolescents to spend more time on
technology
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included
Wrong verb form
including
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tablets and screens because they believe that
this
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will improve their technological skills . I think that
Correct article usage
the advanatges
show examples
advanatges
Correct your spelling
advantages
of
this
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development
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not outweigh the disadvantages , I will explain my reasons with examples in
this
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essay.
To begin
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with ,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
devices can
led
Verb problem
have
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to bad impact on their health .
For instance
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, parents
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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tablets to
children
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to watch something and kids keep on watching for long hours and
this
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activity of kids affecting their
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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Change preposition
at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
early age . If
this
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will continue
Wrong verb form
continues
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for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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period ,
children
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will soon
has
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have
show examples
spectacles and sometimes ,
children
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hesitate to
participitate
Correct your spelling
participate
in certain
sport activity
Fix the agreement mistake
sports activities
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like swimming
as well as
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feel shy to communicate with other
children
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because of their change in physical appearance.
In addition
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, prolong engaging with
technology
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also
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increases
Correct article usage
a sedantary
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sedantary
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle .
For example
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,
children
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are
Verb problem
do
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not
going
Wrong verb form
go
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with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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for
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
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outside and
also
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take less interest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activities
due to
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addition
Correct article usage
the addition
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
screens in which they can play video games or
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
use other apps .
Therefore
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,
this
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technology
Use synonyms
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laziness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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and
fostering
Wrong verb form
fosters
show examples
obesity . In conclusion, with respect to the whole view mentioned above , there should be limited time
availaible
Correct your spelling
available
to
children
Use synonyms
for spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
time on
technology
Use synonyms
to reduce bad
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
on them .
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question, elaborating on how the advantages and disadvantages compare. The direct comparison is missing, which is essential for a complete response.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, work on your grammar and spelling. Mistakes such as 'advanacement' instead of 'advancement' can make the essay harder to understand. Use tools or manual checks to reduce errors.
task achievement
Include more varied and specific examples to support your points. While you provided scenarios, they could be detailed further for stronger evidence of your position.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clearer transitions between paragraphs. Using phrases like 'To begin with,' 'In addition,' or 'In conclusion,' helps, but ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next for better reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct structural and grammatical errors to enhance readability. Errors in verb conjugations, prepositions, and article use can disrupt the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, concise supporting sentences that directly relate back to the central argument. Aim for a balance between explaining disadvantages and how they compare to the potential advantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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